Candida and me

I apologize now for all of my random thoughts from my previous post.  Like I said, I have a lot in my head, and a lot on my plate and sometimes it comes out all jumbled and I forget to complete full thoughts or give you a better understanding of what I'm doing in this diet, or what's going on.

A short while back, maybe a couple months ago, I went to see Dawn at New Dawn Health, the woman we go and see for Big.  This was kind of my "spa day".  For months I had changed my diet at first for my son and then to be healthier, but I was curious.  What was going on inside my body?  So when I had the chance to do something just for me, I went to go see Dawn and get tested.  I have struggled with headaches and lots of random stomach pains, so I knew there was something going on.

Now I understand that to some, seeing a naturalist is a bit out there on the crazy scale and maybe you have lost respect for me.  But really, if I was living my life to please you, it would look different and I wouldn't be happy.  I believe that all people are made up of blood, bones and muscle and energy. (And your soul and spirit and finger nails and what not) I believe that you can find out what's going on inside your body by looking at and testing the blood, urine and energy of a human.  Yes even your energy.  Every living thing has energy.  Ever walk into a room and feel immediately the tension that comes from two people, or the chemistry?  Remember when you were that person who had tension or chemistry with someone else?  It's all apart of our energy.  You might call it a vibe.

Well when Paul and I got Big tested and we heard the results, we were not immediately convinced.  In fact, we weren't convinced at all.  But we had no other choice.  There were no other options on the table at that time and continuing to live as we were was most definitely NOT an option.  So we changed the diet in hopes to see a difference.  We didn't start as believers, but we were willing to try to see if something would change.  We wanted to be proved wrong.  At some point in your life you are faced with a choice and when you choose, you have to jump and see what happens.  So we jumped on board with the diet waiting to see what would happen.

It was so amazing to see what changing a diet did for our son.

So, back to Candida.  I was told when I went to see Dawn that there was a strong vein of Candida in my system.  Not really knowing at all what that means, I saw my high chemical levels, and told her I was interested in detoxing.  So about two months ago, I did a two week detox.  It was a version of the Candida diet and lots of pills to pull the chemicals and Candida out.

I stuck to my diet for 1 week and 6 1/2 days.  The last day of the diet/detox was a really fun wonderful photo shoot where Paul and I got to be a bride and groom.  If that sounds fun, they also had cake.  A big beautiful wonderful delicious looking cake.  My emotional laps is always this, "I've been so good for two weeks and the diet is over in a couple hours anyway.  This is award winning cake!  It would be OK to eat a piece.  A couple hours won't make a difference."  I have a tendency to reward my good behavior with food.  And so I did.

The thing with Candida is that if it isn't completely killed off, it comes back with a vengeance.  The yeast does this because for the last couple weeks I was starving it.  Well, my system only registered that it needed more sugar.  The other thing with Candida is that you can't just enjoy one carb/starch/sugar item.  You CRAVE, you NEED, you HAVE to have more.  So I couldn't stop at one piece of cake, I had four.  Yeah you heard me right.  And thus started my downfall and spiral into a highly toxic diet again.

So I have been doing some reading and lots of research and now have a much deeper, well rounded understanding of Candida and what it takes to get rid of it. (much like I was eating Cashews and carrots and mushrooms on the previous detox and those items aren't allowed.  To be honest, nothing but veggies are allowed the first week.  whew.)  And its not a two week diet, this is looking more like a couple months of hard discipline ahead of me.

People want to know if I've gotten officially tested and the answer is no, if you mean. do I have a blood test by an official doctor.  However, I can see signs and symptoms and I do believe Dawn.  I also am highly addicted to sugar and carbs.

So, the reason I brought up Big before is I am starting this new diet to see if it works.  I am fascinated to know if I can live life without sugar cravings.  I want to know if when I have a cookie, I'm not obsessing about how to get another one or feeling guilty that I had the first one.  I want to know if I can say no to sugar with confidence and not regret.  I would love to know if I can survive nap time without a carb/sugar snack.  I want to know if its possible to not plan grocery shopping runs around my cravings/need for chocolate.  Cause if I plan it right, the kids won't be with me and I can buy whatever treat I want.  I don't want to live like that anymore.

I also want to see if its possible to live without all these crutches.  I want to be free from all those things and more.  I want to see what happens to my body if I eat carb/sugar free for a couple months.  (even on our gluten/dairy/sugar/soy/port/potato you can still have sweets and carbs.)  I am so curious to see what happens to my skin, to my attitude, to my anger, to my motivation, to...frankly... all of it.

I have often wondered at highly disciplined people in regards to food.  I feel like they would be unhappy resisting temptation all the time.  But most of the time they look really happy and satisfied.  I want to know if that is real and if it can be real for me.  I have never fully lived life without wanting, craving, needing highly sugary food.  I can only survive for a short time and then I cave.

I am curious.

Does this work?  Can I be free?  And when I mean free, can I enjoy a treat in a couple months and leave it at that.  How much mental space can I free up by not thinking about food all the time?  Can you live life apart from sugar?

I don't know.  But as far as I can tell, this detox and diet are my best chance at finding out.  So I am embarking on this journey.

For the last week I have starved off fruit, coffee, alcohol, all carbs and all sugar even natural.  If I'm not making it, I'm not eating it.  Tomorrow I start the detox drinks and the diet gets even more intense for about nine days and then eases back to where I am now for a couple months.

Whew.  I know it will be hard, but if I take the next couple months and compare it to the rest of my life.  It kind of feels worth it.  I know its worth it.

stop what you are doing

Today I received some very difficult information about someone I love.  Information that is sad, no, not sad, more than sad, devastating.  Life altering.  Heartbreaking.  News that challenges your faith.  News that makes or breaks you.   This someone isn't close to my physically or even emotionally if we are talking about how often we speak or see each other, but someone I love all the same.  Someone who has shared life with me.  Someone for whom even though life gets busy, I still love.

Someone who's life is at stake.

Life.

I just spoke at a Prayer Shawl appreciation luncheon and the woman who spoke after me lost her son in a terrible, horrific accident.  When we were speaking together after the event, the thing that sticks out the most to me is when she said, "God may be good through it all, but at least you're all still together.  You are still together."  She was referring to my family and that my children are still living.  That my husband is still living.

Every day we wake up and our family or friends are still with us, it reiterates this false sense of security.  It confirms what we knew to be true the day before, we are still all here.

But the truth and reality is that we won't be.

We won't always be here.

Our spouses will not always be here.

Our parents will not always be here.

Our children will not always be here.

Our dear friends who become family will not always be here.

Life.

Sickness is a part of life.  Accidents are a part of life.  Handicaps are a part of life.  Death is a part of life.

I have a lot on my list.  Things to do, life to make happen, projects to accomplish.

But today...today I just sat with my kids.

My heart is full of sadness, and I cry at really random times.

But if learning about the heartbreak of one family can teach us even a very small thing for our own life, it is this.

Stop what you are doing.

Stop what you are doing and tell those that you love that you love them.

Hug them, embrace them, kiss on them, and spend time with them.

Spend time with them.

You never know when the time will run out.

We've all heard it before and it sounds so cliche' but really, when you are at a loss for words and don't know what to do with heart break, they are the words that remind you of what is important.

Go ahead, hug someone and spend time with the people you love in your life.

And while you are embracing those that you love, please pray for the families that are facing life and death decisions.  Pray that faith is renewed and strengthened and that they see God.  Pray deeply that in the face of heartache, they can see God.