Monday, August 13, 2012

Best thing ever

So it doesn't matter how bad or how good the day was.  Doesn't matter if we spent a good portion of the day separated or we did the whole day as a family.

I love family snuggle time.

Family snuggle time consists of all members of the family coming together in hang out on mom and dad's bed.  It is where we don't do anything else except be together.  We reconnect.  We talk about all sorts of random and silly things.  We create a stronger foundation for our kids and open the lines of communication and break down any walls of tension that might have been built up during the week or day. It is probably the most spiritual thing we do as a family and all of our hearts are so full when we are done.  It used to be that we would all lay down and talk and pray and hang out.  It recently has turned into its own thing.

Here are some fun things that happened in Family snuggle time last night.

* Family snuggle time has turned into all out wrestling match.  Seriously, its a good workout for everyone, but man we get loud.

* Paul plays bad cop, attacking the kids to point of tears and then they scream "pineapple" (our safe word for protection.  You say it when you really can't take anymore.) Then they come over to me, good cop, and we snuggle and come up with another plan to attack dad.

* When Little cries pineapple on Big, he explodes out of his hold on her and then does a slow motion retreat. He even has sound effects. He would be holding Little, she would cry pineapple, and he would blow his hands and arms and legs out and then ever so slowly, lower them to the bed. It was hilarious to watch him explode and slow mow to a sleep position.  Paul started doing it becausee it was so funny.

* Family snuggle time has also apparently become the time where we fight about which kid belongs to which parent.  Paul and I play with the kids fighting for them to be just ours.  They giggle and laugh and play along, and I usually win which makes me feel all powerful.

* Prayer time was probably my favorite last night.  Somehow prayer time has turned into an all out personal affirmation time.  I had a tear or two because I found my children's utter confidence simply hilarious.  All they did was thank God for how awesome they were, how cool their siblings were, how handsome their dad was and how mom is so cool cause she is always doing stuff for them.  They all have this strong sense of knowing how loved they are that it has given them unbridled confidence.  Seriously, they each needed their own time to thank God, affirm each other and wait to be coated in compliments.  Middle actually said to me, "mom, you didn't say how awesome I am to God."  Oh man kid, I don't know if you are listening but I prayed that God would give you wisdom.  Pay attention!

I would have taken a photo, but I was too busy enjoying the moment, and all my kids sleep in their underwear and thus it would have been inappropriate.

I pray the feeling of us all crammed on the bed, laying on top of each other, poking each other with feet and elbows and giving kisses never leaves my mind and heart.

It is our most special family activity and totally free.  I hope my kids never out grow it.

Monday, August 6, 2012

A proud mama

It often feels like the things worth fighting for are made up of long roads of small constant battles, big changes, emotional roller coasters, all with little reward along the way.

We all have things that we want to fight for, that we believe in, that we desire for our life.  Sometimes we let those dreams or ideals or goals go because we look at the road and we don't think we can do it.  We grow weary just looking at the obstacles right in front of us.  Surviving that road makes us exhausted just thinking about it.

If I had a penny for every time I heard, "I don't know how you do it", I could pay off my last student loan.  I hear that comment about our diet every time someone asks why we aren't eating with the rest of the group.

I remember sitting in the nutritionists office that very first time when we were going through Big's blood test.  She told me that we would have to start a Gluten Free/Dairy Free diet.  I understood that what she was telling me was a very big deal and it would change the way we do things, but I didn't understand the extent or depth of that change.  I didn't understand the way it would radically change our lives, for the better.

I was home in MI for two weeks, and most people there we hadn't seen in a year.  Last year at this time we were still figuring out the diet, our house had just been hit by a tornado and we were all a little dazed and confused.  Now here we were, a year later, and I could fill the pages of a book with all the observations people were giving me about my children.

When we live day in and day out it can often be hard to see the benefits of the choices we make.  I wish I could express to you the joy, satisfaction, and pride that I had for my children.  Everywhere we went, all the people we saw, my kids were full of joy, manners, politeness, energy, and helpfulness.  I got to experience them for the first time like everyone else was.  I was able to see what they see, instead of the day to day grind of life, little bickering moments and meltdowns and great expectations.

I used to live in a world where our bad days/moments far outweighed the good.  My world was dominated by correction and discipline, explanations and talking down the over emotional child.  Please don't misunderstand me, those things still exist, but they now exsist within the boundaries of children who can mostly control themselves.  Children who have multiple good days with the bad thrown in.  Children who share with the occasional fight.  Children who follow the rules with the occasional defiance.

It feels like what having children should be, a joy.  I stepped back and really observed my children so I could see what they would see. 

Last year I wanted to take my mom out for dinner, but Big couldn't handle it.  He always struggled with me leaving.  He would cry and throw out all the things that make mothers feel guilty leaving.  And I did, and he came with us.  This year, mom and I wanted to sneak out so that the kids wouldn't be upset.  We ended up having devotions together and giving the kids breakfast.  When it was time for girl day, Big told us to have a great time and kissed me goodbye.  Whenever he was told it was time for bed, he would go and get ready.  In the morning, it was never a reminder of what he needed to do before he could play.  He was Papa's big helper with the boat.  He was always helping with the smaller kids.  He was full of joy and gentleness and kindness and goofiness.  When he didn't agree with a decision, he told me he didn't like it, then it was over.

One morning I went for a run and he cried because I didn't take him with me.  When we talked about it when I got home, I told him, running was mommy time.  He looked at me with clear eyes and said, "Oh, just like when I need my alone time and I go downstairs to the pull up bar?  I get it.  You just needed alone time.  I am sorry I got mad.  I understand.  Will you forgive me?" 

Wait?!  What?!  No big fight, no long explanation, no more tears and fighting that I left him behind?  It was just over.  He understood.  He figured it out himself.

A parent has immensee pride when others enjoy them as much as they do.  When other people consider your children a joy to be around.

In the last four years, before I would go home to visit my folks, I would always say, "Dad, I am so tired.  I need your help.  I don't know what to do and I dont' know how to get my kids to listen.  I need you to be the heavy.  I need your help because they are out of control."  True statement.  You can ask my parents.  I would go home, guilty, exhausted and out options.  I felt like I crawled home needing bandaged up and my kids needing boot camp.

This year it was just a fun trip home.  It was a joy to bring my kids and they weren't the reason I was tired.  No discipline needed.  No help required, (except for the fact that it is always way easier to raise kids with a fleet of people).

My children can be who they were created to be.  Seeing their real personalities and hearts come through all the time instead of occasionally is a huge reward for homemade cooking.

This was hands down my favorite trip home.  It was easy, relaxing and just so much fun.  It was fun because my kids were so much fun.  We enjoyed a trip together instead of me sleeping while my parents dealt with the kids.  I hate that phrase, but that is how we existed because we knew no other way.

We know differently now, and I will never go back.  I stand behind our diet more now than ever.  For all the work it is, the reward of my children having the life they were meant to have is worth every dish I have to wash, and that is saying something.

If the idea of this diet is tinkering around in the back of your mind, don't ignore it, explore it.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

A beautiful night on a bridge

After dinner with some friends, celebrating one of their birthday's, I wasn't quite ready to head home. 

I just needed more time. A few moments that were given to spontaneity.

So I decided to take a walk. I was downtown by the new Guthrie and the river. I walked by some beautiful lofts, old historic company buildings, and then I found the St. Anthony bridge. I started to walk along the bridge. When I looked down, I saw the water that appeared black, and you could hear it stirring and crashing against the shore. The most distinct sound was the waterfall. The thunder of it was music to my ears. I love the sound of water. When I looked up I could see hundreds of city lights; street lights marking the way of an old train path, blue lights lightening up the Guthrie, skyscrapers with dozens of lights still on, apartments and lofts with lights on resembling life inside. It was almost like being in the middle of a starry night.

Walking along the bridge and taking in all the wonder almost took my breath away. The wind picked up and it was strong. My hair was down so it was uncontainable. I stood on that bridge and admired the city.

All that man had created.

What's great about what man can create, is how God gave him imagination to do so. I love that he gives us a taste of what it means to have imagination, to create, to love designing something, to participate in art. When God created the earth, he wasn't done. He still creates to this day, but the beauty is that he lets us do it with him. Even among the city, there was this river, these beautiful trees and shore line. The thing that man can not create is in the middle and at the center of what we can. It was a picture of God and man together creating something beautiful. I stood there and breathed. I took a breath and remembered in Genesis where God breathed into man to make him alive. I breathed again. Then I took another slow breath. I remembered how holy and divine it is breath. That every breath I take acknowledges God and gives him credit for who I am. I stood there for moments and took breath after breath and saw the wonder of the night.

It was a very spiritual night for me. I didnt' say much to God nor did he speak to me in words. But we had a moment and I'll treasure it.

Thank you.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Mentoriship in the kitchen

I have realized that I am a terrible teacher or mentor in the kitchen.  Coming home to MI, I told my sister that I would help her learn her way around the kitchen.  She has moved onto a very restrictive diet but doesn't know how to cook.  Well, that just doesn't work for me.  You can't have success or still enjoy food or even begin to think that you will stick to your new outline for eating if you can't enjoy food.  And how can you afford to enjoy food if you can't cook, and how can you cook if no one teaches you?

No one really taught me, I just had to figure it out and I watched a ton of Food Network.  No, I mean pre kids I would wake up on Saturday morning, snuggle on the couch with a bowl of cereal and watch for hours until Paul woke up.  I loved it.  Then I just started to figure it out.

I am not even close to a high quality cook.  I rarely create my own recipes, and most of the time I am just adapting or tweaking recipes I have found.  But I can cook.  I do know my way around a kitchen pretty well.

What I realized in the last three days is that I totally function in the kitchen without a plan.  This does not work well when trying to teach someone how to cook.  I also realize I cook a lot with whatever is in my house.  I kept throwing out suggestions to my sister about other ways she could make the meal and I am pretty sure I overwhelmed her.

We start heating a pan and she asks, "how much oil do I put in?"  I pour some in and say, "about that much".  Or she wants to know how much salt, pepper, cinnamon, seasoning to put in, and I look at her and say, "start with a little then add more if its too plain."  I double recipes or I adapt because I don't have a certain ingredient.  I also realized that makes writing out recipes for her really difficult.  I sat down and wrote out our recipe for Mexican Lasagna and couldn't believe how much I adapt that recipe.  It was very difficult to write out, but glad I did once it was over.

As much as it was about helping my sister learn how to cook, I have learned a ton about myself in the kitchen, how I function and where I can grow so I am able to teach my kids better.

All in all, in the past three days I have taught her how to cook:

Sweet Potato Burgers
Fruit Popsicles
Veggie/bean Quino salad
Butternut squash risotto
Chili
Eggplant/squash Lasagna
Mulligatawny Soup

It has a been a very big few days here.  Between cooking and visiting with friends, I am exhausted.  I mean I cook a lot, but I don't cook this much.  But my what is really exciting is my sister not only knows how to make these meals, she has them all divided and put in the freezer for the whole month!  She has her freezer full of personal sized portioned frozen dinners.  It's great!

Since I am writing out the recipes for my sister, I will be sure to post them later this week if you are interested, including the original link where I found it.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

These are a few of my favorite things....

(I hope when you read the title, you sang the song in the back of your mind.)

I'm here! 

We did it.

My three kids, with my speaking partner Henry Graf, and myself drove 13 1/2 hours in our NON-air-conditioned car from Mpls, MN to just outside Detroit, MI. (Technically we dropped Henry off somewhere off  I80 and I69 in IN, but he was with us most of the way.)  Yes, no air-conditioning sounds as gross as it was.  Sweat dripping down my back, beading on Little's face and the fact that it was cooler outside the car than inside was just wrong.

We left Mpls when our housemate came home from the new Batman movie.  He was coming in for bed, we were buckling up to leave and head East all at 330am.

We drank more coffee than two people should.  Seriously, I'm kind of worried for my liver after a week with Henry and his addictive coffee habit.

The kids took a couple good naps.

We sang more than 73 silly kid car songs.

We listened to four books on CD.

We ate a total of 7 apples.

We stopped to pee four times.  It would have been five but we were stuck in rush hour traffic in Detroit, we were exhausted and I just wanted to get to my folks house when Little said she had to go to the bathroom.  I will own it. I let her pee the car seat, and its in the wash right now.  I stand behind my choice and the fact that we got to my parents 20 minutes earlier than if I had to find a spot to "rest" in downtown Detroit with three sweaty tired kids.

Henry and I had 8.4 inappropriate conversations.

I cried once I laughed so hard.

We listened to 3 songs that made me go...hmmmm...

We accomplished 0 movement on the book.

We had one serious moment where I felt so honored that my name will appear next to his on our book and I told him that.  He hates mushy stuff, so its fun to do to him.

The kids and I found 2 houses on fire, one house being transported on the road, one personal boat submarine and one miniature car cart pulling a trailer all in 20 minutes.  It was intense to say the least.

And a partridge in a pear tree.

Then we got to my folks and it was eat dinner right away so we can go on the boat.

I LOVE being on the boat.

Maybe you didn't understand that the first time.

I L.O.V.E. being on the boat.

I don't own a boat, nor is boating a part of our culture in Mpls, MN.  However, I grew up right by the water and we lived at our cottage in Canada in the summer.  It can often be strange to me that something that was so defining to me growing up has no place in my current reality.

So every summer I bring my kids for a two week vacation and they get to experience all the fun and knowledge and responsibility of living and playing on the water.  I love sharing the water with them.  When I looked at my kids tonight on my parents boat, I almost found myself physically ill I was so full of love.   Love for them, the water, the boat, my parents and watching them fall in love with the water. 

I have found that my first boat ride of each season has me quiet and relaxed.  I am not ready for the fun the boat offers yet, or all the company and memories we make on the boat.  My first boat ride of each season has me closing my eyes, breathing deep and allowing the rhythm of the waves and the wind on face erasing all the stress and noise of my life.  With each breath I can feel the healing water and fresh air brings.  At one point, each child and came and snuggled on my lap in the front of the boat while the sun was dropping in the sky.  I could wrap my arms around one of my children, close my eyes and breath deep.  Breathing in the fresh air and sweetness of the water, and breath out noise.  Mental noise of all the things going on in my head, physical noise of someone always talking to me, emotional noise of all the things I feel all the time.  Life noise.

Last night I got to share one of my favorite things with some of my favorite people, my sweet husband wasn't there, sad face.

Last night I felt refreshed more than I have in a really long time.

I am ready for vacation.

Enjoy a couple of the pictures.  Auntie Kelly loves her god daughter just a little so there seem to be quite a few photo's of her.