The roots underground

It's confession time.

There are quite a few things that come easy to me, and because these things come easy to me, I continue to do them, because then, *gasp*, I don't have to try very hard.  It's called shallow work.  (As I write this, I realize I am reflecting a lot on my speaking career.)

Math was a lot like this growing up.  I loved it and was good at it, until I wasn't.  Then I stopped taking elective math classes.  It became too hard.  I didn't want to have to work at because I had already gotten into AP math and that was already really good.  If I stopped then, I would always be a little better than average.

Putting only enough effort into life to stand out just enough to be noticed is really no way to live.  And yet, that is what I would do.  I like to do what I am good at, or what comes easy, and leave the rest behind.  I also think that being a product of an instant, immediate culture has played its role in creating this habit within my work ethic.  This year I started to really see that in myself.  I didn't like it.  I saw myself scattered with shallow work.  Shallow work that was good enough to impress people and reach them, but was never my best. 

(The above paragraph speaks to the fact that I can easily rise to the challenge of what I know a speaker looks like and sounds like, but is what I am giving people the voice God gave me?  Do I do what I do because it's what I have seen others do, or is what I give people the voice I have searched God and myself for?  I haven't taken that deep prayerful journey that includes challenging myself and giving God total control over my ministry.  If I end up in the same spot, it will be worlds richer because I took the long introspective road to find myself there, instead of just being there because I think I should be or because I don't know where else to be.)

I was throwing my efforts wide and trying to do a lot.  This effort resulted in me really being unhappy with what I was giving people.  My husband, my children, my friends, my audience, my ministry to Haiti.  I think I got addicted to the rush. To always moving and being involved and needed.  I always needed to be doing something. I was addicted to the fun of always changing directions.  To sounding busy and effective and giving the impression like I could do it all.  And it was fun.  And I was doing a lot, but none of it to its full potential.  It prevented me from every really being alone and knowing how to manage my time. If I was busy, then I didn't have to be alone and face myself, or my decisions, or my consequences.  If you remain busy and active, then there is less time to sit and dwell and create. To grow roots.  To dig deep.  To purge secrets and dark places.  To confess and face demons and be free.  The only thing you have time for is survival.

Well, I have time now and it scares me.  I have the time to dig deep.  I have the time to develop the root system to the things I am passionate about.  I used to come home from speaking at an event where incredible things happened and Paul would ask me how it went.  I would shrug and respond, "Good I guess, it just wasn't what it could be."  I wasn't really content or satisfied with what I was producing.  I knew it could be richer.  It all had so much potential.  Potential I wasn't allowing because I wasn't taking the time to walk the long road.  Time to peel back the layers of shallowness and get deeper and richer with my content, with my vulnerabilities   Taking an hour at a time to pray over one issue.  To seek God deeply about his design for my next stage, my next step in life.  The direction for my speaking career.

Well, I have started to walk the road in the last couple weeks.  Walking the lonely road of lots of reading.  Walking the long road of hours of researching and being richer for it, but having nothing to show for it.  I wash the dishes, and I have something to show for my efforts.  I write a blog and I have something to show for my time.  Growing deep roots, roots that are grounded in time, in effort, in creativity, in research, in prayer, in study, doesn't produce immediate fruit.  It's like my raspberry bushes.  They don't produce fruit until a couple years after you first plant them.  Are you kidding me?  That's torturer to me!  I can't believe I have to wait that long!  And yet, this is what I dream for with my ministry.

All of this continues to reveal how deeply rooted my identity is wrapped up in what I can accomplish.  If you know me at all, this comes as no surprise, but every time I think I have cleaned out that dark place, there is always something else to reveal that it goes just a little deeper.  I hate admitting this.  I  hate how elementary it sounds that I would struggle to know to know who I really am and where my worth and value comes from.  But even elementary, this dark lie seeps into so much of what our culture feeds us.

Being alone most days is hard for me.  It makes me feel invisible, and apparently I need to be seen to be worth anything. (now that is hard and embarrassing to say.)  In all those hours of the day, I am faced with the choice of how to spend my time.  How I spend my time produces fruit no matter what I choose.  I have decided to spend my time as of late walking the long road of digging deep into my faith.  Of reading scripture and books that encourage me and teach me.  I am praying more over who I am and what my voice was made for.  I am researching and talking with people about business and life and social issues.  People that challenge me and force me to think outside of my box.  I am digging deeper and putting the time into chipping away at what gift lies underneath all the issues.

It's exhausting and kind of scary.  It's hard to fight the demons of result based value.  But I persevere.  I don't want to waste my time or potential anymore.  One of my greatest fears has always been that at the end of my life, I would look back and see that I was too scared to live a life out loud.  I want a life that is courageous and deep, and real, and inspiring.  By not developing a deep root system, I realize how my life will drift away.  I don't want that.  I want an inspired life.  A deep rooted, authentic, rich life.  Time to dig deep I guess.

Hello 2013.  You kind of scare me, but I'm ready now more than ever. I am ready to walk the long road.

Simply Sugar Free Vegan Fudge

This fantastic recipe came from a dear friend Kristy Grannis, who has her own blog here.  I asked her where she found this recipe and said she couldn't remember.  Kristy and her family live with an even more extensive list of "can't eat" foods than we do, so I knew exactly what she meant when she said, "I don't remember. I probably saw a recipe some where and thought, I can change things around enough to make this something we can eat."  So she adapted, changed some things around, tested it and came up with this.

What I love about this recipe is that it is only three ingredients.  That's right people, THREE!!!!!  Seriously, how much easier does it get?

Now this fudge recipe is perfect on it's own, but it also serves as a great base for all sorts of different flavors and add ins.  The other great thing about this recipe is that is is wonderfully sweet, and there is no sugar, so when you are having those cravings, and huge need for something sweet, but are trying to eliminate processed sugar, this is the perfect go to quick snack.  Keep it in your fridge and you can cut yourself a little piece whenever you want to keep yourself from feeling deprived.  I think its key that when you are changing your eating lifestyle, you need to recognize that your body will crave what it knows.  You need to give it time to adjust to enjoying the way you need to eat.  That being said, give your poor self a break and find ways to help yourself along with treats and food that will get you through cravings and detox while sticking to your new lifestyle foods.  For example, when I am having a sugar attack, I drink a small glass of pure orange juice.  It may sound odd, but it totally works.  Then the less sugar I am consuming on a regular basis, the less the cravings come, and I drink less OJ.

This is also a great desert to serve to guests, add to a cookie tray, package up as a gift, put in your kids lunch box, you name it.  It's perfect.  And its THREE ingredients!  Yeah, probably still my favorite part.

So here you go, and enjoy adding more health into your life and removing refined sugar once treat at a time.

FUDGE - Vegan, Gluten and Soy free
(This is  your base.  Leave as is, or throw in some add on's.)

1/2 cup coconut oil
1/2 cup cocoa powder
1/3 cup honey

Line a bread pan with wax paper or plastic wrap.  Melt your three ingredients in a saucepan.  Whisk till are ingredients are thoroughly combined.  Pour into lined bread pan.  Put melted fudge in the refrigerator.  It will be ready for cutting in 15 minutes.

(If you have never worked with coconut oil you should be!  It's so wickedly good for you.  But what you need to know is that when coconut oil is warm, it becomes a liquid.  When it is cool, it is a solid.  With that being true, you need to keep your  fudge in the fridge, if you want fudge.  Otherwise you just have melted chocolate oil.)

Now for the add on's:

Throw in a handful of nuts: walnuts, almonds, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, cashews (cashews are probably my favorite..mmm...chocolate cashews.), coconut flakes

Try pomegranate seeds.  This is a fun addition because when you bite into pomegranate fudge, it has a juicy explosion in your mouth.  Its savory and sweet at the same time, its awesome!  Seriously, try it.

Try adding dried fruit; dates, raisins, mango, apricot, pineapple.  If you try some of these options, I would suggest leaving the cocoa out and then the fudge would be white.  Increase the coconut oil to 1 cup and puree in a blender.  The simple coconut oil and dried fruit would compliment each other really well.

Again, this recipe is a base for your imagination.  Another way to use this recipe is to pour the mixture over your add on's and scoop them onto wax paper to create clusters.  All the same ingredients, just presented in a different way.

So enjoy this recipe.  Enjoy the freedom of having a sweet treat to curb your cravings.  Having a sweet treat to give your kids without refined sugar.  Just enjoy!

Guidelines for the Joy Free diet

Sorry, this didn't post when I wanted it to.  If you have been waiting, I apologize for the wait.  If you don't care, glad to know I didn't disappoint you.

So if you would like to look at where our story started, and why we changed our diet, scroll down this page and look under the heading, "Life with food issues." There are lots of posts taking you more in depth, but  I won't rehash them here.

I will tell you up front that by changing our very normal American eating habits, we have kept one child, potentially two off medicine for ADHD, sensory issues and possibly emotional unbalance.  The other positive side effect is my mood swings, seasonal depression, lethargic behavior, frequent headaches and sporadic stomach aches have all gone away.  Also gone are the dark circles under my eyes, and the small red bumps on all of our arms.  In place of all that is missing is my constant enjoyment of my life, my kids, and my husband.  I have the energy to invest in my children's education, the organization of my home, my book and future speaking career.  With my new found energy, I have the will and commitment to getting up early, doing a light workout and spending amble time in prayer or reading the Bible.  This is most likely my greatest bonus.  For all the times I have longed, willed myself to get up, set my alarm and went back to bed, I now have the energy and focus to get up, and invest in my life this way.  I can't even find the words to express to you what this has meant to my sanity, my influence on my children, my relationship with the Lord, my husband.  It is deeply creeping into all of my dark places and replacing it with light.  All because I have the energy to get up and claim that gift every morning.

If we look at our life like a circle, I think a lot of us divide the circle up into a pie.  We cut a piece out and work on it.  We know and understand that our life has lost of different areas and we play lots of different roles (the pieces of the pie) so we approach our betterment like compartments.  In the new year we pick the piece of pie we want to work on and focus on it.  I want to craft more.  I want to serve more.  I want to eat healthier, or exercise more.  I want to go to church, or be in the word more.  I want to spend more time with my kids, or my friends.  I want to find a new job.  The list goes on.  But if we look at it as a wheel, then you can enter the circle at any point. But wherever you enter this cycle, you move forward and you touch each and every piece because you move fluidly through it.  It is a rhythm that is never ending, it is always moving, and it is whole.  Some would call it a holistic approach.  When you change one aspect of the cycle, that change effects all other aspects of your life.

This is what changing our diet has done for me.  It was entering the cycle at one point, but watching how it infected and changed all areas of my life.  Wow, let's get down to business now, and the whole point of this blog, to share with you our family guidelines.

So what exactly don't we eat in our house?  OK, here goes the list:
Gluten
Wheat
Dairy
Soy
Sugar
HFCS
Corn
White Potatoes
Shell fish
Pork
Peanuts

So when most people look at this list, they first wonder why.  Why can't you eat so many of these things?  Tomorrow I hope to provide you with some research into the big triggers.  The small items are personal to some of my children's body.

So what do we eat?  Easy;

Any vegetable
Any fruit
All nuts (but no peanuts) and seeds
Rice
Beans
Coconut
Honey
Eggs
Beef
Chicken
Fish (with the exception of shellfish)

This may not sound like a lot to you, but you really can do so much with these items, including baking.  With these restrictions, here is generally what our week looks like, food wise.

Breakfast:  Eggs in any form, scrambled, omelets, fried over spinach, baked with veggies.  During the week we limit ourselves to either eggs or oatmeal with a smoothie.  We eat GF oats, even though Oats are naturally GF, they are highly contaminated, so we just eliminate the  possibility and eat GF.  This makes mornings simple during the week and then the kids and I bake something yummy for the weekend mornings.  We either have coffee cake or muffin mush or scones and fruit or pancakes or french toast.  It makes those weekend items more special and we do it together.

Lunch: We have a variety of whatever is easiest that day.  Green Salad, egg salad, pasta salad, muffins with nut butter and Jelly, rice cakes with nut butter and jelly, soup, left overs, buttered noodles, veggies and hummus, a huge bowl of fruit salad with chips, rice chips with guacamole.  See there are lots of options.

Snacks: my kids take either a piece of fruit, a homemade larabar, or veggies for snacks.  When I am really tired and we have them on hand, they get a little bag of chips, but those are expensive so that is a treat.  Sometimes, they just opt out of a snack and wait till they get home.  Sometimes they take two honey sticks with them as a fun little treat.

Dinner: Again, here we have a wide range of ways to cook chicken, rice and veggies, we have sweet potato burgers, we have Stir Fry's, soups, salads, baked potatoes, hamburgers, risotto's in all flavors, homemade gnocchi, BBQ chicken, fried rice, Mexican rice, Lasagna.  I don't know, we just eat whatever we have in the house.

Desserts: Baked fruit, cake, pies, fudge, cookies.  All just like you, expect I make them all, without sugar, so my kids don't go crazy, we don't grave sugar, and they don't need treats all the time.

Our general rule is that we get one treat a day if mom or the kids remember.  But they have to remember at lunch time, because we don't have treats after dinner.  I figure your body has less time to burn it off before bed time, so its lunch time or no time. We have a treat maybe three times a week.

Another general rule for us to make breakfast and lunch vegetarian.  We allow 3-4 dinners a week to have meat.  I can talk about meat in another blog, but one I know to be sure, our bodies weren't created to take in the amount of meat we do.  We get lots of protein in our nuts, smoothies, veggies, and beans, so don't worry about us.

We also try very hard to include vegetables at every meal, yes even breakfast.  Find me one medically trained person who says we don't need to eat more vegetables.  The health benefits of this are incredible.  So even though they don't like it all the time, my kids know they have to eat them.  They don't have a choice.

We try to meal plan, but I'm not perfect at it.  We eat better when I do.  When I am too tired to cook, we have a bowl of GF pasta with garlic butter sauce.  That's our go to meal.  When Paul cooks, its chili or hot dogs.  Hot dogs without port or sugar or corn or nitrates cost about $6.99 for 7, so we buy them when they are on sale and stick them in the freezer.   They are our in a tight pinch, we really need something treat.  A lot of food that are convenience for others are very expensive for us, so those are extra special treat items here.

What I like about this, is my kids eat incredibly well because they don't know another way.  They also aren't offered a ton of options all the time that allows them to be picky.  They don't get special things to eat all the time, so they remain special and unexpected.

So that is where we are at.  And yes, I do make my own Ranch dressing, soy sauce, ketchup, BBQ sauce, caramel, hot chocolate, milk and nut butters.  If we didn't add sugar and corn syrup to everything, I wouldn't have to.   I will get you those recipes though, I promise.

Anyway, those are our guidelines by which we live.  Trying to find a balance between what all the experts say is the right way to eat, we are finding a good happy middle.

Good luck finding your happy place and way of eating that supports and takes care of your health.

A special young man

I know I promised all blogs about food this month, and I have SO much I want to say and share, but this blog needs to be written and then I will get back on track.

For people worried about where their next meal will come from in countries with limited resources, food and education are critical for survival.  Food being your one and immediate need.  You live day in and day out trying to work and scrape by to make enough money to pull together to share a meal with your family.  Education serves as your only key to making a life outside of poverty, in the hopes of surviving.  Without an education, there is extremely limited opportunity for acquiring a skill that is marketable for obtaining a job and thus making money to live, have shelter and purchase food.

It is this vicious cycle that hinges on the ability to acquire money.  Money for housing, money for food, money for protection, money for clothes, money for school.  You need to be able to go to school to qualify for a job to make the money that you need to go to school to get the job.  Where does one break into this cycle if they have no funds to acquire the education needed to obtain the job for the funds?  And if you have limited funds, which do you choose?  Your meal for the day or a school payment?  And if you choose school, can you focus and actually get an education if your stomach is crying out for nourishment?  And if you always choose the food, how do you ever break out of the hopelessness that poverty brings?  Which would you choose?

I met Tijean 8 years ago.

He was selling candy in the streets to help bring income into his sisters home.  We would visit with this bright eyed boy at dinner where our dear friend Gertrude would give him a meal before heading home for the day.  We have been friends ever since that first trip to Haiti so many years ago.  Since that first trip, Tijean held a very special place in my parents heart.  They sponsored him immediately to attend school.  Tijean was 14 at the time and entered the 3rd grade.  Being older than the other kids, Tijean refused to test out of the class and move ahead.  He hungered for knowledge and didn't want to miss anything.  In the years following, a bright eyed young boy turned into a deeply respectful young man.  When you meet Tijean, you can see in eyes there is something special about him.  He is smart and soulful.  Four years ago he was baptized on Jan. 24 with my parents on a work trip in Port Au Prince. Two years ago, Tijean and I went into business together to try to help raise funds to support his family and friends.  Because of Tijean's kind heart and his connection with the American work trips, many people know they can count on Tijean to help them when they need it.  I loved the idea of having bracelets to sell when I travel the country speaking and approached Tijean to make the bracelts for me.  We found the perfect answer to allowing him to focus on his studies and make some extra money doing something simple with his friends to provide work.  He buys all supplies in country so it also supports the local economy, and we pay Tijean top dollar for the bracelets.  It has been a really great parntership.

Tijean is the one on the left.

Four months ago, against all odds, Tijean was granted a school visa to the states.  This has been a dream of my parents for some time.  They were hoping that if Tijean could get here to the states and study at an American school, he could improve his English and learn American culture.  This would allow so many more doors to be opened for Tijean for work when he returns to Haiti.  This would allow him to provide financially for himself, his family and provide some work opportunities for his friends.

Tijean has  been here in the states for a couple of months.  He is staying with my folks just outside Detroit MI.  Tijean took his entrance exam to Macomb Community College and missed the passing score for English by just a couple of  points.  In order to stay in the states, Tijean must remain in school.  For the success of his future, he must be studying to stay here.  My parents have enrolled him at Wayne State University for this semester so that he can study English and get his GED.  Once this is accomplished, he can transfer over to Macomb Community and finish out his college degree.

I have shared this story with you because my folks and Tijean need you.  This is a $10,000  education at Wayne State until Tijean can transfer to Macomb where it is significantly cheaper.  He has to stay in school in order to have the future that only a few can dream of in his situation.

So, even as I write this, I understand that there are thousands of stories like this, or worse or closer to your heart.  That you can turn on the TV or radio or computer and hear about desperate need here in the states and abroad.  I understand that money is tight for everyone.  That everyone wants their hand in your wallet.

BUT, as I prayed last night, if this story reaches a part of your heart in anyway, or if you feel any compassion towards this young man who has a chance to change his story, you can make a difference in his life.  You can make his dream come true and change the outcome of not just his life, but also that of his family and friends.  Your funds would change the future of a young man who dreams of taking his education back to Haiti and making a difference.

As I spoke to my father, I could hear the passion and dedication he and my mom have for seeing this through, however, this is an incredible amount of money to bear alone.  If you would like to support Tijean's journey, you can write a check out to Hope for Haiti and mail it to: 38861 Lakeshore Dr. Harrison Township, MI 48045.  This is my parents non-profit organization that was started to help those in need in Haiti.  When you write a check to Hope for Haiti, make sure to write in the memo that the funds are for Tijean's school.  This story is close to my heart, and I wish I had the right words to express the joy of knowing what this opportunity means to Tijean and his future.  Sharing in this financial opportunity is an investment in the future of Haiti.  It is his way of breaking out of the cycle of poverty and improving his life.   Please know that any donation is greatly appreciated and welcome.

Thank you for your time in listening and sharing this story with others.

If you are connected with me or the Haiti Mission Project and wonder why donations aren't accepted on our behalf, the HMP deals with funds going directly to Haitians in Haiti working for other Haitians.  This need falls outside of boundaries.  Boundaries that were created to protect the funds we receive.  Hope for Haiti is a wonderful organization doing amazing work in Haiti and one we fully support.

The Food Journal Project

So I confessed much to you yesterday and it feels good to be starting a brand new day.  My rhythm, however, is that I can have much success with my first few days/weeks, and then I falter.

Since I have laid my insecurity and weakness bare to you, I can also tell you that my husband, who is the biggest Texas meat and potato lovin man I have ever met, has started on our diet as of Jan. 1.

Here is a photo of my handsome man and me at Christmas just a couple weeks ago by our tree.

We have had over a year and half of changing our mindset around food.  Always striving to be healthy eaters, it was a whole new idea and hard concept to wrap our head around what gluten/wheat, casein and sugar does to our bodies.  We watched in awed silence as our son came back to us, but even more so, after months of being on the diet, we would watch the transformation happen right before our eyes as his whole personality changed when Big would eat something off his "Stay away from" list.  Big was the reason we started the diet, but we have seen the immense benefit to all of our health by eating the way we do.  All except Paul.  We have spent many hours talking about the changes in me when I adhere to our "joy free" diet.  We both experience how I speak more gently, I have more patience with the kids, I don't seem so down all the time and struggle to be motivated.  I'm not so easily angered and my emotions don't swing so much.  I am not as easily offended, and I find joy in so many more things.  I actually enjoy so much more of my life, and the kids sense it too, and it improves their behavior as well.

I had told Paul once that I would love for him to try being on board with our lifestyle for a few months.  Paul also struggles with many of the same things I do, being lethargic, mood swings, discontentment, depression, anger, sugar cravings, you name it. I was curious to see, since all of our children have issues with food, as do I, would Paul find the same kind of freedom and joy that we have?   I had this dream of wondering to what extent our home could experience peace and joy if we all fueled our body the way it needed.  If our bodies weren't at war with itself, then they would have time to heal themselves and there would be more time for joy and understanding.  I know that this many sound crazy to you, but even after one week of cutting gluten/dairy/sugar our of our diet, I have experienced already a change in my behavior and attitude.  This is not to say that I don't get frustrated, or that Paul and I didn't have a small fight last night.  What I am saying is the way I handle myself, feel about myself and others is completely different.

I say all of that to say this, our eating and food lifestyle over the next month or so will become my blogging project.  Though I am not an expert by any means, many have come to me seeking advice, recipes, tips, information, websites, and resources.  So even though I have always blogged about many different things, and most likely, there will still be a fun and  random post thrown in, my focus for the next month will be sharing with you what I have learned in regards to food and resources.  I will share our menus, recipes, websites, tips and encouragement.  I will be forthcoming and honest about where we are at as a family, and keep you posted on our progress.

Before I move on tomorrow with more specifics, I need to make one thing abundantly clear.  Food is not my salvation, nor the way in which I fulfill living in the fruits of the Spirit.  I deeply believe that God is the one who heals our bodies.  He is the one who gives knowledge and insight and wisdom in how to take care of ourselves.  What I also believe is that he knows our bodies better than we do.  We knows what it takes to fuel it, make it work, but more than just make our bodies exists, he knows how to make us thrive.  Eating an all natural, no processed diet gives us the ability to receive all these gifts.  To live in a way where we are more open to his leading.

I have more thoughts on that later, but I just wanted to give you an insight in what I will be blogging about over the next month.  I am not your expert, but I am your doorway into resources that can help.

Please feel free to ask questions, correct me, or share what you know.  I want this to be a place where people can find good, truthful information about how we take care of our bodies and thrive in our lives.  Please join me this month and be encouraged.  We can all start over.