A Homemade day

I had this really fun day in the kitchen with my mother-in-law Jan. Jan studied home education in college and is currently working on a historical generational cook book. Pretty cool right? She’s the kind of woman who knows all the short cuts to making dishes work. She is also the woman who has dozens of cook books but only cooks out of one. This beautiful book was given to her for her High School graduation and it is her favorite. All of her recipes either come from her mother, her grandmother or this cook book.

When visiting the Tietjen’s, Jan is usually very busy in the kitchen preparing all homemade dishes for the family to enjoy. I try to stay out so not to interrupt the perfect rhythm she has created in her space. I just flutter in after all the food is devoured and try to help with dishes. That’s who I am. The gal who peers over the counter trying to catch a glimpse of the greatness, hoping it rubs off on me, and go in afterwards to repair dish duty.

But on this day, I got invited in. I was asked to come into this magical place and learn a thing or two. One of the first things Jan asked me in the morning was, “Do you want to learn how to make homemade noodles?” Are you kidding me? (One thing you might know about me is how much I adore doing things from scratch. If it can be done in my own home, than I prefer to do it that way. Homemade is the best way in my opinion.) I had never attempted noodles, so I was on board.

The great thing about Jan is that when she is teaching you, she makes you do it all yourself and then gives you all the credit. She walked me step by step in what I needed. The thing I learned about noodles, they just really aren’t that hard to make.
Here's my first batch ever!
But after you gather your 3 egg yolks, you will have egg whites left over. So Jan tells me to freeze them till I have enough for angel food cake. (She had happened to have a container already full and needed just a few more.) So after mixing the noodle dough and rolling it out dry, she looks at the egg whites and says, “Want to make Angle food cake?” Sure, why not right?!

So on we went. The mixing and making of the Angel Food cake began. We flipped open the cook book and found the secret recipe. While the cake was baking we plotted and planned for making Kringla, a long standing Tietjen tradition. It is a light, cake figure 8 crescent roll of sorts. I have never attempted it and Jan thought it was time. While the Kringla was baking, we then embarked on making Cream Puffs. I'm sorry I don't have pictures of it all, we were just having way too much fun to stop.

Jan makes these amazing cream puffs for morning breakfasts on special occasions. I know right, dessert for breakfast. This is a great family to be apart of. Well, we were going to be seeing Paul for the weekend and it’s his favorite thing, Kringla and cream puffs. Cream puffs is the one tradition that Paul brings to our family. I on the other hand have brought dozens and dozens of things we need to do because we’ve always done it. So I used to complain about these cream puffs, but have recently realized it’s what connects Paul to his family and his history. His family of generations past. Then I had this wonderful moment of standing at the stove top next to his mother, both of us stirring, her the cream puff and I the cream. We were talking about nothing and everything, we were drinking wine, and that beautiful cook book was open in front of us. She would flip to her page and then I would flip to my page to discover the next step of the recipe.

I felt like an apprentice. I felt like I had a teacher. Chatting about the day, cooking together and learning how to make things work and cook a beautiful meal is what heritage living and learning is all about. It’s when history gets passed on to the newer generation so that it doesn’t get lost. Family living, traditions, love, history gets passed down. Most of the time we are too busy to invest in the heritage, but I got an incredible piece of it today. We started with homemade noodles, (which by the way we cooked in turkey stock which makes them taste amazing!), then made Angle food cake, then Kringla and Cream puffs. We also wanted to attempt Spritz cookies, but it was already 1230am.

It was an amazing day learning from a woman I have so much respect for and love spending time with. I learned so much and feel I am a better person for the day we spent together. I also now carry more of her family with me to pass along to my children. I have stories and recipes to share with them and continue pouring their heritage into them.

I love all things homemade.

Wish I had a camera

Our weekend visiting Paul in Austin could only be explained with photos. But because I am that mom who is really lame at taking photo’s (I even brought both cameras with me!) I will just try to explain all the fantastic and truly embarrassing things that happened to us in the car, at the hotel and out to eat to you here. There was no free Internet at the hotel, and I don’t pay for it on vacation. That’s how we roll. So here we go in no particular order:

• The kids and I successfully colored 15 pages for presents in the car on the way to Austin. You will be getting yours soon.
• Texas only believes in outdoor pools since its always hot here. Expect right now. So we swam in the Luke warm/old bath water hot tub. Awesome. Lu kept trying to drink it. Gross.
• Looking at the bubbles, Caleb says, “This is like the sea mom. Remember, (and he stands up at this point) And Jesus calmed the stormed!” Sure small bubbles in a hot tub is just like a raging storm at sea. I can believe that. (For some reason this is currently Caleb’s favorite Bible story. We have to read it every night after whatever other story we read. If you could shed some light on this, that would be helpful.)
• There was a woman wearing panda bear slippers on Sat. night standing outside the ballroom where the event was taking place. Already past her bedtime, Lu walked up to this woman wearing her snugly blue sleeper that was once my brothers. She bent down with her little butt sticking up and gave each bear a kiss. She then got down on all fours and gave each bear a hug. With that still not being enough she then proceeded to lay down and snuggle the bears. Holding each bear in a hand and resting her head in between them. This continued for 15 min. I’m not kidding. Kissing, hugging, snuggling. There were at least 7 people who got out their cameras and phones and documented the cuteness that was happening in that moment. I just couldn’t bear to leave to take a photo. Maybe someone will post one. The funniest part maybe where I did a play by play reenactment in my hotel room for my friend on the bed. That was probably a bad decision and glad no one had a camera for that.
• Caleb met a friend in the nasty bath water hot tub. He called him his buddy. When I said, Caleb what is your friend’s name, he simply replied, “Buddy.” He continued to call him this for the next 20 min. When buddy left, Caleb didn’t notice, and then screamed, “Mom, where is my buddy?” Clearly we need to work on Caleb’s relationship skills. I think he left because he was hurt no one cared to know his name. I also didn’t ask, but found myself referring to him as Caleb’s buddy.
• At the beginning of my session in front of 100 students, I asked everyone why they were in the session. Noah raised his hand and said, “For you mom. I want to spend time with you.” Nice. I didn’t pay him to say that. Then we were talking about love. Noah raised his hand again. Yes Noah. “Sometimes we don’t love each other…. I mean, we always love each other, but sometimes we don’t like each other right mom? You know, cause of the angry face?” Now I need to pay him to be quiet. And just so you all know, Noah has the angry face. But I guess he did learn it from somewhere. Ooops.
• During Paul’s concert on Saturday night, the kids were standing in the back watching their dad rock the stage with his guitar. Caleb was on someone’s shoulders in awe of the music. Noah was standing on a chair clapping the awkward’s kid’s clap. Seriously, he has almost no rhythm. It’s embarrassing. Andrew from Captive Free came over to dance with Noah, who they had just met, and they went crazy. Hand banging, flaying arms, booty swaying. Just craziness. The best part was Caleb’s face starring over at Noah and Andrew in complete and utter amazement. Or was it judgment? Maybe it was confusion at never seeing dance moves quite like these before. He looked speechless. He couldn’t even focus on the music he was so enthralled with what was happening next to him. I wish I had a picture of that face and those five minutes of a brother’s judgment on another brothers dance of choice.
• Noah and Caleb made some friends at the event and hosted a dance party in the back of the ballroom with glow sticks. I’m pretty sure they had no idea it was worship. They just wanted to dance in their pj’s with glow sticks to their dad’s music. Going to bed that night was a bit difficult.
* Out at a restaurant where they have a tank of live lobster, my son shouts, "Look mom they have Lobsters! They are just like sharks!" No. Not really. Who is teaching you kid?
• A teething baby doesn’t just cry because her mouth is bothering her. After hearing Lu cry for 10 min because she didn’t want a bottle, she didn’t want crackers, she didn’t want a toy, so we gave her an apple to naw on to help her teeth. Once we stopped at the gas station, Jan pulled her from car to let her walk a little. That is when we realized that Lu was trying to communicate something else to us. Let’s just say, it took both Jan and I to change her diaper, clean up the car seat and put her in Noah’s shirt since everything else was packed. And if you ever thought Lu looked like Caleb, sitting next to her while she while she wore Noah’s shirt cleared up any question I have. For a moment I was transported in time and saw my first born sitting there in the car seat. It was amazing. Big blue eyes, gorgeous long lashes on a sweet round face. And for what my daughter had to sit in for an hour, I win the worst mom in the world award. Just sayin.

The weekend was full of wonderful moments. These are just the highlights. I feel blessed that we got to take a road trip with my in-laws down to see my husband perform. My kids were great troopers on the trip down and back. We got to stay in a hotel, see old friends, and make new ones.

Now we look forward to a week at the in-laws and all the adventure that means. Then this weekend I get to speak in Dallas at a youth event about Hope. So many fun things ahead.

Pastor Louis who gave his life

My first trip to Haiti was in 1999. Wow that number just feels like yesterday. I have been going off and on ever since. There are years I can’t make it, and some where I have had the gift of going more than once. Over the last 12 years, many wonderful and amazing friendships have been born.

Last year on Feb. 12 the pastor we had been working with alongside the Haiti Lutheran Mission Society was murdered in his home. Rev. Dr. Doris Jean Louis and his wife Elucie were coming home where they were attacked upon entering. Pastor Louis was asked to give the robbers all the money from the school. When he said he didn’t have it, they shot him in cold blood in his driveway. Pastor Louis has worked with countless mission teams and was in charge of at least five churches, two schools, a medical clinic and new orphanage compound. He was a man with money and connections to those interested in taking advantage. This sadly was not the first time his family was attacked. Many years ago, when we first starting going to Haiti, Elucie recounted when the whole family survived multiple gun shot wounds and beatings. Her sons watched in horror as their mother was shot through the chest and survived. All of this over money.

People often ask, “It costs about $1200 to go to Haiti, wouldn’t it just be better to send the money instead? They need the money, and the money could do a lot of good, then they could hire Haitians to do the work. Haitians who need the work.” All of those statements are true. But Pastor Louis response from my very first trip is what I remember. He said, “If you had to choose between sending money or coming on the trip, I would tell you to come on the trip every time. Yes, we could use the money, but when you come, we see you here. You coming tell us that believers around the world haven’t forgotten about us. You coming tell us that we have people out there who are here to help. We are not alone. When you come, you see and hear our story and you can go back and tell others our story. When you come, you can be our voice in places we can’t travel. We are not alone when you come.”

That philosophy spoke so much to me that day as a 19 year old kid, that I still remember it clearly today. Yes, Haitians should be hired to do work. When we go on trips, we hire as many Haitians as possible to hire alongside us. We also bring money to support the church to do the outreach programs that share the gospel of Jesus Christ with all people.

When all we do is give money, we are disconnected from it. We give to great programs and then forget about them. (unless our heart has been affected first.) What Pastor Louis said so well is that when we give of our time, our lives are changed from that kind of giving. We are different. We see the world differently. We understand God and sacrifice, and love and grace and compassion in a different way. The poor and forgotten want our heart. They want to be understood. They want to be loved. They want to be seen. They want others to know that its not OK for any human to live as they do. They need someone to advocate on their behalf. You need to go and see and learn and experience to have that kind of change happen in your life. You can’t just write a check.

(I do understand that those checks are important and sometimes in our lives that’s all we can give. I do not underestimate that in the least. I need those checks to get to Haiti. Thank you for that. Most of those checks though come with a heart for serving and loving others, so its different. That’s not the kind of check writing I mean.)

I also think Pastor Louis knew that once you came and saw Haiti, you would fall in love with her forever and you will automatically go back and be her voice to all who will listen.

Thank you Pastor Louis for teaching us that love is about relationships, not just about money. That living like Christ meant real sacrifice and heart and compassion. You gave an ultimate gift in your service to the Lord, and I will not soon forget. I will also continue to speak out on behalf of those who can’t be heard. And I will continue to bring whoever will come to meet Haiti and fall in love with her. Thank you Pastor for your ministry.

hard moments

Out of my three children, I clash the most with my oldest. He’s sensitive, emotional, strong willed, determined, and always right. Oh and how I love him.

The last two days have been crazy. Late nights, early mornings, plane rides, cousins, special lunches and nothing that resembles normal life. He’s a little off track and thus bringing out his personality ten fold. Today we stood at opposite sides of every issue and had words regarding everything.

Tonight at bedtime what I just really needed was him sleeping. I needed to be done with him today. I was frustrated and hurt by him. I was tired of fighting with him. I was done.

Then laying down is when we had the conversation about hurting each other. We talked about why we were frustrated with one another. How we could love each other better the next day. We talked about what I said that hurt him and what he said that hurt me. There was forgiveness and awareness that not every day is a great day, but we still love one another in the end.

It was amazing to have this very adult conversation with my 5yr old child. I kept thinking about how often I don’t do this with my kids. I just yell, or I get mad and/or frustrated. I tell him I want him to behave different but I don’t tell him why. It’s amazing how communicating the why changes the situation. It just wasn’t mom being mad at him anymore. It was feeling like her son didn’t trust her to tell him the truth. That my son wouldn’t question me on everything I say and challenge my integrity. There was honesty behind the frustration and not just unknown or unspoken feelings. He didn’t have to assume or guess what he did or what was wrong and come to the wrong conclusion. We had this great moment together.

Then he started crying. He was sad. He was scared. He missed dad. There were monsters. Etc. I couldn’t tell what was real and what was just an excuse. I was still done though. I needed this to end. It was a long day, and even though we had our moment, I needed my kids sleeping and I needed a break. I knew he was over tired and couldn’t find control of himself. I wanted to consol him, but mainly I just wanted him to stop. I was growing frustrated by the moment. I told him God was bigger than any monsters and he didn’t need to be scared. I told him he would be fine. I said it in a very frustrated, “I think you’re being childish” kind of way. I communicated all of my frustration in my non-verbal’s. He got my message and he was still very sad.

As I walked into the living room and I could still hear my son crying, I thought to myself; “What kind of parent am I being right now? When my son looks back on this evening will he remember a mother who comforted him when he was truly scared, or a mother who was disappointed that he wasn’t tougher? That he didn’t have enough faith to believe that God could take away the monsters? Where was the mother who was supposed to comfort you when monsters seemed so real? When you hadn’t seen your dad in weeks and you truly, deeply missed him? That mother wasn’t there. I was just annoyed, ticked off, and wanting my kids to stop needing me for a little bit.

I downed a swig of wine. I was ashamed of my behavior and I deeply prayed that God would help me be the person I dreamed of being. The person I challenge others to be. I then had peace. I went back into the room. I sat on the side of my son’s bed. His face was wet with tears as he laid in a bed that was not his own, in a room that he isn’t used to, in a place he has only been a few times. I started to play with his hair and I prayed over him. I had peace and felt like I couldn’t offer him myself, but I could help usher God into that place. So I sat and I prayed. When I was done praying, I sang to him. When I was done singing, I continued to play with his hair. (its very soothing to me. The stress leaving your head as your hair is pulled so slightly away from your scalp. My favorite thing my mother has ever done for me hands down.) He was calm when I left. His face was peaceful, and I knew that it was the right choice to go back.

I’m not sure if I got played. (I’m sure I did a little.) But when push comes to shove, I want my kids to know that at the end of the day, when they are scared and really tired and have no control over themselves, I will lift up in prayer. I will give them over to the one who can help them when I can’t. That if they can't trust me, they can trust in God's presence in their life.

I get that on paper, this sounds very spiritual and that I have my act together. The truth is, I don’t. I struggle with almost all my decisions. I pray hard and try to be the person God knows I can be. I fail more times than I succeed. My kid has woken up at least two more times since starting this blog, and my peace has gone. I am back to being frustrated and still trying to be the mom I want to be. No one is perfect. Most of the time I need a do over minutes after I’ve acted. We’re all a work in progress right?

Now for the rest of that wine.

Choices

So Paul and I are in throws of our busiest season. One or both of us are gone for five straight weekends. Its crazy right? We didn’t really plan on it, but then the opportunity to go to Haiti happened and I couldn’t pass that up. Paul and his friends got a seven commercial gig and couldn’t pass that up out in PA. This weekend Paul plays a youth event in Austin TX. Next weekend, I’ll be in Dallas for a youth event. I’ve decided to head out a few days earlier, since flights started to dictate a different schedule. This will put me and the kids being gone for 12 days. Fly down to Dallas, drive to Austin, stay there for two days and then drive back. We have all sorts of fun things planned, but mainly its just time with the grandparents.

The decision to leave early came quickly and I’m not sure I feel ready. I still have to pack, pay some bills, and do dishes. I’m tired and really just want to hang out with my husband who I haven’t seen in five days. But I had to make a choice. It got me thinking about how I make choices.

What I discovered was this; I want to be a person who makes decisions based on what brings the most life. There is a time for responsibility and taking care of yourself, and that would bring life. It would be the best decision to take care of you, and renew and refresh your soul. There are also times when you have to make a choice because it means more to someone else.

I decided to leave tomorrow because my children will be able to deepen their relationship with their grandparents and have time to build more memories. The warm weather will be good for everyone’s attitude. I will have help with the kids, which I could totally use. The kids will get time with their cousins which they never get enough of. We get to go swimming at the hotel and the kids get to see what their dad does at youth events. All of these benefits bring life. They enrich everyone’s heart, relationships with each other and refresh our life. It brings about the fullness of life.

Hmmm…the fullness of life. Well to get there, I need to survive three kids on the plane by myself, carrying three suitcases, pushing a stroller, diaper bag, computer bag, and purse. Wish me luck.