My version of Gardening

Between figuring out how to cook GFDF and trying to get our garden planted, there hasn't been much time for anything else. So even though yesterday was a bit chaotic, I took a couple minutes to snap some pictures and welcome you into our process.

But I have found this time of year everyone is posting beautiful pictures of their garden, and that just isn't the case with us. I have three kids tagging around my ankles and they all want to help. The process isn't a pretty one. In the morning, it was just us, after school let out, the other three neighborhood kids came and helped out.

I thought gardening with three kids was a bit much, but with six kids, holy cow! I am really surprised that we weren't covered with dirt from head to toe. Our process started with organization, bring me a cup of water, and then you get to dig the next hole. But then, they realized they could dig their own holes, and all chaos happened. Dirt everywhere, holes wherever it looked good, and we watered everything, even Lu.

Enjoy!


Ellie Lu was kind of bossy, so we made her project manager.


Our hose isn't hooked up, so this was our time consuming watering method. The boys brained up this genius idea.


Here's Caleb digging a hole for the spinach.


At some point I lost control, and didn't realize that Caleb wasn't wearing the appropriate shoes.


One had the wrong shoes, and this one decided not to wear any shoes at all. Seriously, whose this child's mother?


Then the neighbors came to help! Notice all the bikes in the yard and all the toys strewn about. I think we had every sandbox toy and cup from our house in our yard at point. It was not a pretty sight, but so enjoyable.


Here's all the kids digging the holes. Most of the dirt stayed in the garden.


Some did not.


Here's what we found when digging our holes, "Look mom garbage!!!"


Here's our neighbor Mcwan helping carry the water.


Here's our other neighbor Jesse watering the plants.


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Dirt and water make mud, ask Lu how she feels about that? She loved it! This is her second outfit from the day.


Outfit one didn't make it.


But in the end, we made it. Here is a look at our finished product.




The brown paper bags around the spinach are to help hold off on weeds. Since we are gone a couple weeks out of the summer, I try use any method to help.

So, we don't have beautiful pictures, our just real life in what it looks like to plant with little people around. I hope some of you are able to get in the dirt and grow some of your own food! Its so much fun.

Apparently the kids had so much fun gardening with us, that we are doing it again today! Yay! Please pray for me.

its not all about me

I used to think it was all my fault.

Every temper tantrum. Every freak out. If it wasn’t my genetics, than he was yelling because he had seen me yell.

Nature and Nurture together right?

I am sensitive and emotional. I also have a flair for the dramatics. Maybe some would say in my youth I was a drama queen. (I’ve matured a tad, maybe a tidbit is a better word. Which ever one means the smallest amount, that would be it.) I am also intense and an extremists. I go all out when I can. Not just a party, but a full menu, homemade decorations, all food made from scratch kind of party. That’s the just the way I like it. We won’t just watch a movie, we’ll plan for it. Pick a day, make stove top popcorn, eat dinner early, take baths and make a bed in the living room just for the movie. It’s a lot.

I’m a lot to take sometimes.

I just thought my son was like me. He’s intense. He’s sensitive. He’s emotional. He’s our drama queen. So if I didn’t teach him to behave the way he does, than he just naturally gets it from me by instinct.

I also often thought that our schedule and lifestyle was creating his instability and insecurity. That my traveling sometimes once or twice a month was too much for him. This past winter I actually consider stopping my speaking career because he needed so much of my time and attention and I took that on myself.

I blamed me.

Were we not disciplining him enough? Too much? Were we too busy? Did he not enough have structure? He hasn’t been going to bed on time, so he’s overly tired and we need to be better about our schedule. Maybe he watched something he wasn’t supposed to and that taught him to act out. Are we eating right? How much screen time has he had? How much reading time has he had? Does he need alone time? Does he need school? Does he need me home and not traveling? Does he need his dad home more?

The questions wouldn’t stop. The insecurity of myself as a mother was getting worse. The blame and shame and guilt of doing something wrong and how it was hurting my son started to feel like my new skin. I was never without it.

I would cry. A lot. I would call my mom all the time. I was praying constantly and in my prayers of asking for answers, I was repenting of all that I had done wrong to damage my son.

This is the place I was in.

It was a battle most days. In my head I knew it wasn’t all my fault. I really did. But I couldn’t figure out how to lay to rest with my fear and guilt.

Then we went to the doctor. Then we found out that something was really wrong with Noah. His intestines’ were damaged, and leaking out and his body was craving the vitamins it so desperately needs to function properly. It wasn’t my fault.

Saturday I saw a glimpse into who my son really is. It was an incredible day. He was listening, he was attentive, he didn’t overreact when all the kids got Doritos after the T-ball game and he couldn’t have any. He was disappointed and bummed, but was excited to have lime corn chips when we got home. If he didn’t understand our decision, he asked about it instead of falling to the ground whining, or folding his arms and getting what we call “Angry face”. His angry face is REALLY intense. He has very dramatic eyes. Paul and I looked at each other more than once in astonishment.

It was our Sabbath so we didn’t do any work. The whole day was spent together. At the end of the day we had family snuggle time in our bed. After Caleb went to sleep, Paul and Noah and I laid in bed for about half an hour. We talked, snuggled, and we prayed over our son. And then I realized something was different.

I didn’t feel guilty. There was no bad feelings between Noah and I. There was no fear or questioning or shame. Before even on good days, I would have this feeling, of “why can’t it be more like this? What am I doing right or wrong to get this reaction instead of the bad reaction?” The thoughts were always there. The questions never left. Saturday was different.

1. I wonder how often we make our children’s issues about us. If you notice, most of my response is all about me. Though I am, with my husband, the ones in charge of creating the atmosphere and controlling the hurtful things that come into house, the issue still remains that I need to see my children for who they are, and not my agenda or mistakes, or accomplishments.
2. I was allowing Satan to use my insecurity as a mother to change the relationship with my son. It was effecting how I felt about him and us all the time. The issue wasn’t even about me, but I made it about me and then in turn, it changed us.
3. We have to have more grace and forgiveness as parents. To allow God to work through our mistakes and insecurities. To know that he has a plan for our children even with our ability to fail. God is more powerful than our mistakes.
4. Always, always pray. Over your children, for your children, for yourself and over your spouse.
5. It is important to look at all aspects of our children and ourselves and our home. To look at what is going on spiritually, mentally, physically with our kids. The best way to love them is to evaluate everything going on their lives and then pray for answers. Pray for wisdom. Pray for discernment. Pray for knowledge. Pray that someone who does have answers will speak truth into your life.

Kids still act up and disobey. They will still be rowdy and have trouble listening and still want to do what they want to do, not what you want them to do. Noah still does. But it’s not a battle everyday. Its hardly a battle. If it feels like a battle for you, then start praying. Something might be going on that you can’t see.

I had a friend say to me once, “maybe noah has sensory issues.” I was hurt. I didn’t think anything was wrong with my kid. He was just our drama queen. But that seed stayed. And I was paying attention. And I started to talk about our struggles more with other people, and the struggles were getting worse. And then we found an answer.

I want to repeat, that I don’t think everything is fixed or perfect. Or that this is the only way to make things better, or that the fact that the sun is shinning and we get to ride bikes for hours every day doesn’t help. It does. A lot! But we have been GFCFSF for less than a week. We have quite a ways to go in our detox, but I see the light a couple times a day. That feels huge. It feels big enough to have hope that we could be on a path that helps our son physically. Helps me emotionally. Helps our family spiritually.

Emotionally Bipolar

My mind is a jumble of thoughts and emotions and opinions. It’s taking time to sift through them, and one of the greatest things I am learning is to be patient with myself. I wasn’t overwhelmed in the beginning of week, but I’m there now. This is how my brain looks right now.

Beware. Most of this is just to help me process my own thoughts.

- GFDFSF…How hard can this be? I know people who do it.
- Oh crap, I can’t have ice cream from Dairy queen.
- We’re gonna be super healthy now.
- Wow, I really have to make sure I always have a snack with me in case they can’t eat anything.
- I love to bake, what do I do now?
- Hopefully my kids won’t be so hungry now because they are eating more fulfilling foods.
- When will the cravings go away?
- I wonder if this will really work?
- What do we eat for lunch?
- I need different food in my house.
- Wow, there are a lot of resources out there.
- I really hopes this works.
- Man I want an ice cream

Because I said that Paul and I were doing this, yesterday was a completely GFDFSF day, and I was pretty cranky. All I wanted to do was eat carbs. My body is addicted to the sugar in carbs and I was amazed at really how much we eat this in our house. There may be healthily food here, but its right alongside crackers and cheese, cereal, sandwiches, pasta, you name it. Which is all fine if your body can process it, but also not in moderation, your body becomes addicted to it, and we are in withdrawal. I was hungry all day, but stuck to the diet. I also had to remind myself that my children were most likely feeling the same way.

Noah asked for milk at every meal the first day, but hasn’t since. It’s been pretty great.

You know how when you’re going to buy a new car and then all of a sudden it’s the only car you see around? Or you’re pregnant and all you see is mother’s expecting? I am currently only seeing and thinking about all the things we can’t eat. All the habits we have formed around food that we have to change. When I think about our life this way, I get a little sad and maybe a little frustrated. “I can’t have… I won’t ever have_____ again, we can’t eat here_______, we have to bring our own food everywhere, how does this work when we go to other’s homes? Etc.” It also feels very heavy on my shoulders as the primary cook in our house. The only who grocery shops and clips coupons. This mountain feels huge.

What I’ve really realized in it’s truest from these past couple days is your attitude towards whatever happens to you in life is key to happiness, joy, fulfillment, and passing on the goodness of God.

If I in my current mental and emotional state continue to do life this way, I will reap a harvest of bitterness and unfulfillment. However, if I change my attitude than my family can and will embark on a wonderful adventure that will reinstate joy and peace to our house. An adventure that teaches us how to respect and love and take care of the bodies that God has given us. An adventure that will show my son that we will go to any length to love and support him. That can’t be understated.

So in my mind it has been a raging between the two attitudes. Debating between positive and negative. I do still see all the food I can’t have, but it also reminds me that Noah can’t have it either, and that’s the point. This isn’t about me. This is about my son. To love him. To support him. To walk this journey with him. I am asking him to say to his friends who bring really fun and exciting treats. This won’t be easy for him, and so I can suck up my cravings that will go away, and understand he is going through the same thing.

So, we are choosing to be positive about this. We are excited to see what happens to our health, lives, emotions, physical well being. We can do this. As of right now, I can already see a small difference in Noah. He is calmer and can take direction better. On the other hand, Caleb seems to have fallen off the emotional deep end. We will continue to be patient in our progress and see what happens. We will continue to adjust what we are eating and reading up on research and talking to people who have walked this path before us. I have felt such an overwhelming sense of support from family and friends. There are many in our little world who have gone this direction before us. I have a great handful of friends who have called, given me websites, and offered encouragement. It has felt amazing to be so loved and encouraged.

Thank you to everyone for walking with us. Tonight my homework is to make up our food diaries and behavior charts. I am doing this for all of us. In about a week I will post that as well. It is the guide to help us observe food intake and behaviors. We are in the research stage, living life and praying continually for God’s guidance.

Results from Blood Test

And our journey continues.

Well, I haven't written in a few days because we went to Wyndgate Health on Monday and got our results from Noah's blood and urine testing. I have been very busy using all my free time to read up on our results. This is what was explained to me:

*DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional or even a medical novice. I am a mom who's child is bright, sensitive, kind and loving. He does however struggle with anger, rage on occasion, over dramatizing issues, anxiety, and extreme emotional swings. He is not Autistic or ADHD, however, a lot of the research connects sensatory issues with the previous. This blog is to recommunicate what I have learned and been told in the last couple days regarding our situation. This information is not to diagnose anyone else, or suggest you have these issues. This is our story, bathed in prayer, constant prayer and cries out to God to find the truth about what to do.

* Noah has a large Zinc, Iron, Vitamin D, and Vitamin B deficiency. We will be putting Noah on a compounded vitamin that will supply these and a few other vitamins that his body is lacking. Zinc and Iron are directly related to forming brain chemicals that helps in making choices, overreacting, and control. Vitamin D is often called the mood vitamin, much of what you get from the sun. Many people who live up north will understand this last one and most likely take it themselves.

* Noah's body also is struggling to process Casein and Gluten, the two main ingredients in Dairy and Wheat products. He has a leaky stomach. Basically what that means is that his intestines can't process these proteins into Amino Acids and then into Brain Chemicals.

* He is not allergic to Dairy and Gluten, but does have an intolerance. An intolerance reveals itself most often in behavioral problems, anxiety, lack of self control and physiological issues.

What this means for us is that our house will be going Gluten and Dairy and Soy Free. (It is recommended to also get rid of soy because of how it similar it is to gluten and dairy.) The results show that Noah's stomach is damaged and hurting him. He needs us to help him get better.

I have written in a couple days because I have been processing this information. When Laura explained all of this to me at Wyndate health, I didn't feel overwhelmed. I thought. "Oh. OK. Well, this means we'll essentially be healthier right?" How could I be overwhelmed when I didn't even fully realize what was expected of us? Exactly how life was going to change. So I was fine.

It was recommended to us to wean off dairy and gluten. The thing is, we were already low on milk, cheese, and had no yogurt in the house. We just ran out bread and were eating our last burgers and hot dogs with buns. I have a hard time going to the store and buying products that I now know are hurting my son, and possibly my husband and me. (Most of Noah's issues are passed on through one or both of us, so it was recommended that we all do the do the diet and see how we feel.) So why would I replace these items? I couldn't. So we have gone dairy and gluten free at a faster pace than expected. That's just fine, except I don't have a lot to replace these items, so we are just soaking up our fruits and veggies and chicken.

I cleaned out our pantry and extra food shelf and got rid of everything that wasn't GFDFSF (Gluten free, dairy free, soy free). Here is what we got rid off.


And this doesn’t' include our already opened boxes of cereal and refrigerated items.

So yesterday was the first day that we were really challenged in our new diet. I went to my mom's group and they had delicious chocolate doughnuts and pastries from Panera, my favorite. I didn't have any. Then when they came through to check to see if the kids could have fruit snacks, I had to check the ingredients. We had friends come over and want to bring pizza, and we had to say no. I made Oven roasted chicken in a red sauce, Trader Jo tator tots, and green beans.

Last night I went to a free workshop on the effects of Gluten and Casein and Soy in the diet. Last night is when I became the deer in the headlights lady. Wow, it was more medical information than I could process.

So that is our technical update of how our life is changing. All of my personal thoughts, feelings and responses will be posted in a blog right after this.

one of those days

Do you ever have one of those days where you had all sorts of plans. You have ideas of what you want to do with your day, what you are going accomplish, how everything is supposed to happen?

I had a lot of plans for my day. None of them worked out.

Not one.

I'm pretty disappointed in myself today. Disappointed in how I spent my time, how I responded to the situations that happened, and even in how I ate. Ever notice that what you eat also directly effects how you feel and respond to life?

It was just one of those days. And the funny thing is, I spent more time in the word today than I have in a week.

I guess I can rest in the fact that God is faithful in his grace, and grants us new life and new days.

Here's to hoping tomorrow is a better day. Thank you Jesus for even our worst days, and that you are in those moments as well.