Simplicity

Two beds
One Bathroom
Five plates
Five bowls
Five sets of silverware
Five glasses
One fry pan
Two sauce pans
One coat per person
One drawer of clothes per person
One weeks worth of food and no more
One deck of cards
One box of crayons
One box of markers
Old scrap paper and one coloring book
One backpack of toys for three kids to share
Six books

Simplicity.

At home we have multiples of everything it seems. Plates and cups and bowls galore. To eat on, to play with, or to serve with in case 30 people show up. We have a whole drawer of crayons, pencils, markers, and paint. A WHOLE DRAWER! (I could do a lot with that drawer.) We have a dress coat, a ski coat, a spring coat, a green coat, a jean jacket. I have three pairs of mittens and hats per kid in case we have friends who need them, or we loose a pair. We have snow boots, rain boots, and dress boots. We have two pantries of food. And our house isn't even that big. We have toys and books galore. We have clothes in access. We have shelves of movies we never watch. We are storing furniture we never use.

It takes me ten minutes to clean our hotel room because it isn't littered in stuff. I don't have anything to organize because all of our simple things have a place to be.

I can't believe how free I have felt this week. I have had extra time to read to my kids. To talk to my husband. To color. To write. To read for myself. To invest in the people in my life and myself. I have experienced what it feels like to not be burdened down with stuff.

We drove to our house today to drop a load of laundry off. Sitting outside waiting for Paul, I could feel my anxiety rise. I look at that house and I see projects for all my stuff. Cleaning my stuff. Organizing my stuff. Filing my stuff. Purging my stuff. Putting my stuff away. Washing our stuff. Picking up our stuff. Labeling our stuff.

SO MUCH STUFF!

We need so little to live. We need so little to be happy. We need even less to have thriving, healthy relationships.

I feel like I purge our home twice a year and I am always amazed at how much I get rid of. And now, after this week and the experience of the freedom of stuff, I can't wait to go home and purge even more.

I have stuff cluttering my life. I have stuff cluttering my brain. I have stuff cluttering my heart. I have stuff cluttering my time. I have stuff cluttering my relationships.

I want less.

I want simple.

I want more life.

I want less stuff.

But I want to keep the maid.

And the free coffee.

And the free wine.

Can I do that?

True honesty in humlity

I try hard to be honest, to not mislead or misrepresent myself .

I would compulsively lie in High School. I watched it damage my relationship with my parents, friends, co workers, and teammates. I hurt people and scarred myself for life. For years it took an active choice on my part not to lie.

To lie all the time, you have to be constantly aware of the stories you are telling people. It takes up all your brain power and energy to keep all your stories straight. Lying is exhausting. And in the process, you loose yourself.

I hated living like that.

That is why honesty is so important to me now. I don't like to hide things and most of the time I will say what is on my mind. I also never want to appear as something other than what I really am. (I hate the idea that some could look at my facebook photos and think my little family has it all together. Shocker: WE DON'T!!! We are a mess, truly.) I want to be real and transparent. I want people to know they can believe the words that come out of my mouth. I want to be honest. I want to live in truth.

But I am terrible at being honest to myself or about myself.

I have found that as honest as I can be with others, I deeply struggle with being honest with myself about myself. Even more specifically, if being honest paints me in a good light, I really struggle with that.

I was reading the Momastery blog the other day. It is a great sight and was wonderful getting to know the woman behind the blog. As I was reading her story, I was struck that she could say great things about herself when describing herself to us, the reader.

When I found that odd, I realized that if someone asked me to describe myself, I'm not sure how many good qualities I could list. What I would say is, "I am a mess. I'm too lazy to get up early and get dressed most days, I am addicted to TV, I am controlling, I am a secret eater, I don't manage time well, I am an overachiever, I loose good people and friendships in life, I'm too harsh on my kids, I am unbalanced, I'm too hard on myself, I am a perfectionist, I procrastinate, I am forgetful, I don't know contentment, I am a binge spender, I don't do life well, I don't trust God very well, I am a control freak, I live in fear, I don't know AGAPE love. I am a mess."

I see this list and I agree with everything I wrote. You may not or you may excuse some of the things I wrote, but the bottom line is I believe these things about myself. The sad realization is there isn't one good thing on here. It isn't even on my radar to think of something positive about myself, and if I do then it just feels wrong. Saying that feels even worse. Knowing our positive qualities and acknowledging the good in us is a healthy self-esteem.

What's funny is if I was going to list some of my better qualities, I couldn't do it in a concrete way. Sometimes I am thoughtful. I can be patient. I am loyal to friends who live close. I am fun to be with short term.

It's tough and frustrating to know that I have a much unhealthier self awareness than I realize. I thought I was pretty confident and self aware, but I didn't realize that I don't have a very high opinion of myself. I don't say that to beg or illicit compliments, I just wonder if this is true for others.

I wonder if our effort to be humble, we depreciate our value.
In our effort to think of others as better than ourselves, we emotionally sabotage ourselves.

My weakness and shortcomings are apart of me. But that doesn't mean that God doesn't work good in me also. By not acknowledging the strengths, I am discounting the progress God has made in my life. The things he has done through me. The characteristics I want to pass along to my children.

We all possess good and bad. Strength and weakness.

Why is so hard to stand strong in our strengths? By admitting to my strengths does that mean I am then conceited? I think too much of myself? I am now better than others?

I think that is only true if we separate our strengths from our weakness. If we look only to our weakness, then we have an healthy low self-esteem. If we look only to our strengths than we have an unhealthy high self-esteem. When we can see the good, the bad, the ugly, the grace, the strength, the weakness, and Christ in the middle of it all, we are humble. We are humble because we realize for all the weakness, he is there. For all our strength, he is the source.

I wasn't expecting to read Momastery and have this reaction. Clearly I have some work to do in my prayer time this week. I need a healthier self-awareness.

I heard someone say one time it isn't self-esteem, its God-esteem.

I like that.

Downtown Scavenger Hunt

The Tietjen's are staying down this week due to the final repairs being done in our home from the Tornado almost nine months ago. It was a lot of work to find a hotel that provided a full kitchen, two rooms and was close to school and work, which are both downtown. We lucked out and are staying at the Depot.

Once here we discovered that the pool is only open on the weekends. This was a bit of a shock to me and my plans of spending all of our free time in the pool. My kids have Friday off of school, so I thought, what am I going to do with them during the day stuck in a hotel room?

Well, the pool opens in the afternoon, so that left the morning. Paul works downtown, just a few blocks away, so I decided to take the kids on a downtown adventure. Before we got going, I grabbed a piece of paper and drew 12 empty boxes, then I filled in each square with something they had to find on our walk. If we found all 12 things, we got 15 extra minutes at the water park. I tried to think of things that would be easy to spot, but not all once. I included a tree, someone riding a bike, the river, a sculpture, a bookstore, someone using their manners, someone drinking coffee, etc. Random stuff like that.

So I gathered the kids around then brought out my Bible and shared with them what I had read in my devotion yesterday morning. It was Philippians 2:14, "Do everything without complaining or arguing." We decided this would be our motto for the day. We could remind each other about it when someone started to slip up. (Which we all did when we all REALLY needed to go the bathroom. It was very helpful.) After we talked about that, we brought out our game, discussed the rules, and we were set to go.

We started with stretches.


I had brought Rice Chocolate milk, since my kids can't get anything at a coffee shop, and I heated it up in our room and poured it in travel cups. They felt like grown ups and we had a warm beverage to start our winter walk. Little finished hers before we left the hotel. That girl and her chocolate, seriously.


We started out by heading to the Guthrie which is this architectural dream and the only building in the United States by this particular designer. It has a beautiful bridge that looks out over the water, and a fun see through floor when you make it up nine flights.


We spent some time there, and took some fun photo's.


The first would be the fact that my kids all passed out and laid down because they were so tired after five blocks. They have no social etiquette yet.




At one point when Middle was standing over the looking glass floor staring at the street and he cried, "I'm scared! I'm scared! My heart is beating wildly!" That kid cracks me up.


This is a bad shot, but you can see the ground in the yellow part.

After the Guthrie we headed back towards the high rises and the skyway to wander around, explore and meet up with Paul for lunch. During our walk, (which by the way, Little walked all ten blocks by herself and only on about block 11 did she asked to be carried. She was not going to get outdone by her brothers.) the kids were picking up dirty ice/snow chunks and calling them ice crystals. I looked at them. Thought about it. Then I decided I didn't care. Let them play with dirty snow with gloves on. It makes 'em happy.





We walked slowly. We found stuff on our scavenger hunt and crossed it off. We found cool little nooks for forts and played a while. We starred at the river. Then we finally made it to the sky way bathroom.

That's where we took this picture.



The kids were rewarded with a juice that they shared.



Then we found dad for lunch at Chipotle. You can eat Gluten/Dairy/Soy/Sugar/Meat free there. It's great!



Paul sent us on his own adventure in the sky way to find him. He sent us photo clues on my phone to let us know we were headed in the right direction. It was super fun!

14 blocks and waking up early did Little in. We knew it was time to go when the crying would stop matter who held her. She had lost all ability to find reason. So we all made a wish in the wishing pond and headed home while the snow started to fall.

It was a great day downtown. We found everything on our scavenger hunt, so after nap time, (it's eerily quiet here right now) we plan on suiting up and hitting the water park. Now I think I need a nap.

Chinese New Year - The year of the Dragon

Today Big celebrated with his whole school the Chinese New Year. I volunteered to help do the kids face paint. Big was very adamant to clarify it was not make up, it was paint. Like soldiers, or costumes at Halloween.

It was fun to be at his school. I haven't had much opportunity to volunteer there, and that is guilt that I am trying to let go of. Being in his school is always so eye opening because of how little understand. Everything around me is written and spoken in Chinese. It's almost like we put our kid on a different playing field completely that we can't relate to. Really great parenting right?! (He is thriving and loves teaching us all sorts of Chinese, but today it was very apparent how different his life is than one I understand.)

So there I am with the other moms setting up our stations to transform these young one for their big performance that evening. I love going and having the kids say, "Big is that your mom?" I wonder, do they ask cause they love my outfit, (it was great today, one of my favorite actually, hoping Big would be proud of his mama) or do they say it because they wonder who the crazy lady is. (Paul would vote for this option, always.) I love seeing my kids face light up when I show up. He is the light of my life, so I love that the feeling is mutual.

Somehow, in the event of splitting up the painting responsibilities, I got glitter duty.

Oh yeah, that's right, I got to brighten the world today by sprinkling glitter on all the kids faces. That way, when they took the stage and the lights hit them, they would have a little extra something to make them shine.

Here's Big before being painted.



Here's Big with his dragon painting covered in glitter.


I also had dust glitter and a compact with me, so all the girls wanted to be turned into pixie dust fairies and see themselves in the mirror. All the boys wanted red glitter on the flames on their face so that it would be scary. Ha, I love boys and girls.

Here is the class waiting to for the last few kids to get painted.


After the two little ones and I couldn't find any parking and walked half a mile down a main street without a sidewalk in the freezing cold, we made it inside just in time. (can you tell how I feel about that?) When the dragon hit the stage, Little was sitting in her chair and she looked at me and said, "puppy? no no. puppy? no no. all done. bye bye. all done." I took her comment to mean, "I don't like this. Please make that large dog go away." While I appreciate her commentary, all I kept thinking was, "come on girl, that isn't a dog, its a dragon! Who's teaching you the proper animals? Oh crap, that was supposed to me." Needless to say, she was not a fan.



The Yinghua New Year performance allowed each class to feature a song or dance, putting them in the spotlight for their moment in time.

Here are some of the highlights.


Here is a class doing the dragon dance, you know, because its the year of the dragon.



This class reenacted a song/story about a farmer who went out to pick his vegetables. What was really funny about this was the kids dressed up like animals pulling big stuffed felt carrots off the other kids heads. Weird? Yes. And my kids sat there a little confused the whole time.


At this point Little was not sure about any of this. She just kept looking at me and saying, "all done. all done. no no no no. all done" with a look of fear on her face. I wasn't sure if she was against bright colors, fans, little kids, singing, dancing, Chinese people or China in general, bright lights, glitter, the stage, or the costumes. These kind of sound like all things that would get her movin and grovin' but she was having none of it.

She eventually settled into the rhythm of the event and at least got to sporting a bored face instead of scared.


Then she discovered the stairs, her freedom, and she started mimicking all the moves and language. I'm pretty sure she thought she was speaking Chinese. So what did we learn? That my daughter's strong opinion can easily be bought with persuasion and glitter. That it might just take her awhile to warm up to new things, but then once on board, she is your strongest supporter. Or she just felt trapped and gave up and enjoyed the show.


This was one of my favorites. These boys were flirting with the girls, trying to get them to come over to their side of the stage. The girls below were being shy and coy and telling the boys to go away. I like the principles of this school.



Here is Big and his class. They did a very fun dance with paper towel tubes that they decorated, a head band that they braided, and their uniforms. Big wasn't afraid at all, did all the moves and singing and even threw in a few extra hip moves. Oh man, that kid likes to dance, mostly to the tune in his head.




Now a few mom thoughts:

I couldn't believe how big my son felt to me tonight. He was so grown up and I couldn't help it, I cried feeling all those things that mom's feel when their baby is growing up so fast. I am so thankful he is still a snuggler. I would then look over to my other two kids and think, Middle you are going to school next year and you will be up with Big in one year. Man how did that happen?

I was so proud of my son. So, so proud of him. I couldn't take my eyes off him. He was strong, great, silly, goofy, and seriously kept throwing his hips around like he couldn't help it.

When it was all done, I got to throw my arms around and look him in the eye and tell him how great he did. We drove back to the hotel where I had his favorite dinner waiting. After reading stories and brushing teeth, he asked me to pray over him when he was tucked in.

I guess my baby isn't a grown up yet. Thank you Lord.

Dunn Brothers

It was at this time last year that I was preparing to go to Haiti for my first time after the Earthquake. It had been a long hard year watching friends and relatives go while I had to stay back. Listening to their stories of helping, witnessing, rebuilding, sharing and loving on those I have come to love. In a sentence, it sucked. I mean don't get me wrong, I was happy for them, and it's not about me, but it kind of felt like it in a selfish sort of way. I really wanted to go, and having a newborn made that a little tricky. So now it was my turn. I was on my way.

I was flying standby the next morning, so the day was a day of preparation and hanging out with the kids before I left for five days. Nothing was packed yet, but I had the whole day and wasn't worried about it. Your needs are pretty small while in Haiti. Throw some skirts and T-shirts in a bag and call it good, is kind of the way I roll.

Well, I got a call saying that it would be better for me to fly out today, instead of tomorrow.

Oh...I can swing that, sure. No problem. (um...what am I thinking?)

I start making phone calls to connect with the husband. Discuss kids, meals, schedule. Got it. There will be no kiss goodbye or one last hug and be safe. This is was it. Our morning good bye was all she wrote.

Make a few phone calls to find someone to watch the kids till Paul got home. Got it.

Make a few phone calls to find a ride to the airport. Doesn't work.

Clean dishes. In my dreams.

Pick up house. Not on my life.

Grab my passport... Grab my passport.... Where is my passport? Wasn't it right here on my dresser?

I check my file folder. Not there.

I check our secret hiding spot. Not there.

I check my dresser. Not there.

I check my jewelry boxes....And then it hits me. My jewelery boxes were the only thing stolen when our home was broken into at Christmas. My jewelery boxes that housed my passport that I pulled out to travel with when Paul and I were scheduled to go to Haiti the previous month. I am two and half hours away from needing to drop my kids off at my friends house so I can travel to Haiti and I have now just discovered that I don't have a passport.

At this moment, it felt like everything in the universe was keeping me from going to Haiti. (I know its still all about me right?) My whole soul hurt. I felt defeated.

I immediately called my friend Lindsey and I'm pretty sure she thought someone had died when she picked up the phone and I was sobbing. Loudly, uncontrollably crying. I couldn't go. I wasn't going to make it again. And Linds does what she does best, she solves my problems. She discovered online that there are only a small handful of emergency passport issuing locations. Guess where there's one? Yea, that's right, Minneapolis. Downtown, five minutes from my house.

It's 1pm, and my kids are still in the pajamas, we haven't eaten lunch and I look at them and say, we have to leave...NOW. They put boots over their footy jammies, and throw on a coat and hat. It's January in MN, which means its -degree's outside at all times.

I throw some crackers and carrots in my purse and call it good. I load up the kids and we navigate our way to find the government building we are looking for.

We find it. I find street side parking. I have two quarters to pay for half an hour of parking. I drag my kids in their jammies without gloves and protective gear, and deciding to carry Little because the stroller would be too much work. What I forget is how much that girl can eat and what a tank she is. So we run to the building, we struggle with hats and coats and bags through the metal detector, and find the office.

I pick a number. I wait my turn. When my number is called, I have my paperwork filled out. I chat with the gentleman for a few minutes and it is then that he informs me that I need a photo.

OH CRAP I totally forgot about the photo!

He says I can get it taken at the downtown post office just two blocks away.

You have got to be kidding me. My kids are in sleeping gear, they haven't eaten and now I have to walk with them two blocks to get my photo taken to return to this building and wait for them to possibly issue me a new passport.

I grab the kids, we walk to the car to feed the meter. I have no more change. I drag them back inside, through the metal detectors with the coats and hats and bags. We get change. We put all said items back on. We go out side and feed the meter. Little has put on five pounds already since we started this little journey I can feel it.

We head in the direction of the post office. I can't see it, but the nice man in the government building swears its there. My kids are freezing and decide to take a stand against the mommy who did everything wrong that day. The mommy who desperately needs them to keep walking, but its windy and below freezing and they are cold and hungry. I give one glove to Big and he puts both hands in it. I give middle the other glove and he puts both hands in it. I wrap my scarf around middle to keep the wind off his face. He's my loudest screamer and complainer so I wanted to tame the beast. I give my hoodie under my coat to Big to make him feel warmer. I am now without any of these things, FREEZING my arse off, carrying my tank of a kid that is throwing my back into spasms. The kids look homeless, or like they have a mommy who doesn't have a clue, and to lift their spirits and keep the complaining at bay, I make them sing.

Yup, you heard me. I made them sing. So there we are, homeless and clueless and singing to brighten our day. I have said before that we resemble a circus and I meant it.

We made it. That two blocks felt like ten. It was more like four since I got took a wrong turn. Yes, I screwed up even two block directions, I get it, I'm not winning an award that day.

My time is quickly evaporating and the stress is becoming more real. I'm not sure I will get my passport in time to drop off my kids and make it to the airport.

When we reach the line, I notice a sign on the door that says, "photographer on break, be back in 15 min." My heart sank. I didn't have 15 min. This is also when my kids decide that they need to use the bathroom. Well, this should take 20 min. So hurry. We rush. We do it, and we are back in line. The lady showed up. I got my picture taken, and we bundled up again to make it our two blocks to see if, yes, maybe, mom can get her passport.

We are half walking, half running, I am half dragging my kids down the street. I am pretty sure I promised them all sorts of things, maybe even the moon if they could just keep up. We made it back. We go once more through the metal detectors, seriously those things are annoying, and we are in line. This is when the nice man behind the counter informs me there is a 30-60 min wait for the passport to be issued.

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME? Well, we'll do our best. We have eaten our crackers and now my kids have realized that in fact, that was the worst lunch ever, and not really a lunch if you ask them. I remember there was an old Dunn Brothers on the corner where we parked.

Yes, I did. I took them outside again, and went to the coffee shop and I got them a hot chocolate and treat for letting me abuse them for the last hour. We were sweating and freezing at the same time. They have boots on with footie jammies. Their hair is unbrushed and staticy. We are a sight for sore eyes. I'm on the phone with the airlines, Paul, the cab company and possible hotels for me to stay at that night. I looked at my kids and said, "This is a fun adventure right?" They all cheered.

After we enjoyed our treats, we went back to the government building, went through the metal detectors AGAIN, and my passport was ready. We grabbed it, we ran to the car, we made it home. I think I wished my kids clothes on, because somehow they had changed, and I carefully and slowly drove them to my friends house. (wink)

I made my flight. In some act of God and wonderful miracle, I went to Haiti that day. I can write about that trip another time.

What's funny about this story is we are staying at a hotel downtown this week while they redo our ceilings from the tornado. We drove up to the hotel and my kids exclaimed, "Mama! That is where we had our adventure!"

And they were right. We are on the same block as Dunn Brothers this week.

Funny thing is, we picked this hotel for its location and full kitchen. But it also has a pool. Apparently this pool is only open on the weekend. Go figure. So I guess I'll take our already planned swimming time and we can take a walk down to Dunn Brothers.

Maybe we won't look homeless this time. Maybe I have learned something in a year.

Maybe not.