My husband and I were stopping at the store, he was running in to grap the few items we needed and I would wait in the car. While waiting, I thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be lovely if he brought me flowers?" I continued down this thought process until I was completely invested and convinced he was going to come out with flowers because he loves me so much. I'm so wonderful, and we are completely in love, why wouldn't he bring me flowers to show me how much he loves me? Of course he would bring me flowers. Then it happened. He came out with guess what? Only the items he went in for. No flowers! Seriously? All I kept thinking was, "why didn't he bring me flowers? That's kind of jerky." I was a little put off when he got back in the car. You can imagine how confused he was. Having a great time with wife, quick stop at store, now she's mad. Great. "So why are you upset?" he proceeds to ask me. Then, still justified in my anger, I say, "You didn't bring me flowers!" After that comment I got an ear full, but this statement stood out to me, challenged me, and leveled me in my pride.
"Its not your job to tell me how to love you. Leave loving you to me. You asked me to love you forever and I will, but that's my job. Let me do it."
Wow. Now all the five love languages stuff and open communication stuff about what I need aside, he had a very valid point. So often I dictate the rules and set up false expectations. I will have full conversations in my mind that never happen. I set people up for faliure without ever even telling them, and then they disappoint me, without knowing it and my attitude changes towards them.
"You asked me to love so let me do that." Huh. There is a very real connection for me to the way I also approach God this way. God I want_________. Fill in the blank. I want my wife to be healed. God you can love me by getting my parents back together. God I need you to take my pain away. The thing is sometimes we say it outloud in prayer and sometimes its a secert deep down that we never dare say outloud, but in both circumstances we know that if God does what we ask, then he loves us. If he doesn't do what I want, he must not love me, otherwise why wouldn't he want to make me happy? And then if he doesn't become my genie in the bottle, granting my every wish, my attitude completely changes towards him. I grow distant (like I did in the car with my husband). I have anger and disappointment filling my soul for the one who created me.
So here's the deal. This is what I learned. God is the one who created the covenant with us. He makes the rules. Period. He is all powerful and frankly, he's God so he can do that. We are the created, we don't get to make the rules, sorry about that. I know my pride takes a big hit on that one. But He also knows how to love us best. He created us and knows us better than we know ourselves. He sees from the past to the ever future. He sees all and knows all. He knows how to love us best, so maybe we should just let him. We could try to control things less, which would be a great idea. We would be disappointed less, because we would trust him more. We could love others more because we would see the ways God does loves us more.
We also have to remember that we invited sin into this place. That was our fault and God said, I will love you anyway. I will love you still. "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world!" (Evil, sin, temptation, weakness, humanity, satan) John 16:33 It won't always be this way.
Let Him love you. (me) Trust Him.