I am having this weird relationship with technology right now.
I need it. I am using it to purchase things we need because I don't want to run to the store for it. It connects me to people so I don't feel alone, and I can then know what is going on in their world. I love the books I am reading on my Kindle. I love the music I listen to on my radio. I love being paper free on my finances and doing it all online.
But...I don't like being online all the time, so I haven't. I don't like being on my phone all the time so I let my phone go to voicemail. I don't like getting in my car and my kids see me hop on my phone. I don't like having my computer open so I can check it all the time.
My computer crashed months ago and it broke my ties to the outside world, and I'm so glad it did.
Looking back I realized how often I would walk by my computer and check it. I was texting all the time. I even started to dialog in my head like it was a blog. It was out of control. But it somehow made me feel important, keeping connected. I somehow started to believe that people needed to hear what I had to say. That people were waiting to hear from me so I couldn't disappoint them. It was this sad imaginary sense of self importance. I believe in the importance of sharing life with others. Of speaking to the things that change and challenge us so that others may gain and be encouraged by what we have learned. Of sharing struggles or heartache so that others may know they are not alone. We were made to be in relationship with others, to walk alongside each other to share in life. I however started to feel too needed. That people were waiting on me, and I didn't want to disappoint them. So I would blog often, and then it became all consuming. I would end up sitting next to my husband and blogging instead of being with my husband. Blogging started to fill this imaginary place inside of me that said I was important and needed
And then I got cut off. I was left with my real life. I was left with my moments, and my nap time, and my evenings that had so many more options than getting on the computer. I all of a sudden started to see how I was neglecting my relationships with the people in my house.
Now please don't get me wrong. I have an Iphone so I am still checking things, but my life and my thoughts and my time aren't wrapped around being connected. During nap time I would rather nap or garden or read or do chores so I can hang out with my kids in the afternoon. In the evening I would rather do projects and hang out with Paul or relax. My focus has turned back to my family. To enriching the relationships that are before me.
It has amazed me how much mental noise facebook, the internet, email, texting, phone calls create. Always being connected creates a lot of noise in my life and I simplified. I enjoy not being connected all the time. I enjoy being free of the pressure of needing to write a blog all the time.
There are so many fun things I want to share, and I will. These last couple months have been ones of much learning. Learning about food issues, learning about child behavior, learning all sorts of home repairs and projects, learning to be selfless. The list goes on and on, and I'll get to it.
But the main thing I wanted to say was, hello.
Its been awhile.