Sinner over saint all day today

We were totally that family this morning that fights on their way to church. The house was a disaster and we were stepping on toys, marbles, trucks, you name it. The boys were slow in picking up their things, putting shoes on, wanting to bring toys to church and getting out the door.

I was totally that mom, that yelled through a whisper to push them out the door. I hated being that mom, and yet, my crankiness was getting the better of me. In the car I apologized to the boys and told them that I was tired and taking it out on them.

We get to church, its outside in 90 degree weather. As soon as we sit, the boys need to use the bathroom. We go, we get back, then they are really thirsty, so I get up and get them water. Lu has been whiny the whole time, so then I get up and take her to the nursery. I get back and the boys are hungry, so we get a small snack. I am finally able to pay attention of half a second and then I feel the sweat dripping down my dress, down my face, and behind my knees. I think I hate the knee sweat the most.

We make it through the morning with mild complaining, tons of crankiness due to the weather, and we make it back home. We eat lunch and the my oldest is adament to play video games at his friends house. I remind him that his neighborhood friends are outside friends only and I don't want him playing video games. He gets very angry with me and tells me that I don't love him. He doesn't like me because I keep him from all fun things. I took the lashing and it added to my mood.

After lunch the kids go out and play and Paul takes a nap. I clean and clean and clean, not that you can really tell, and put groceries away. When Lu wakes up, I take the kids down the street to the little wadding pool in our park. That's when we meet an angry dog off his leash and discover a car ran into the pool and its closed.

Awesome.

We walk back home and gather our stuff and head to the splash pad for 45 minutes. It feels great to cool off and be in the water. The kids had a blast. I just tried to keep my daughter from drowning because she thinks she can swim and go in the deep end. Geeesh.

After we get home, I get dinner ready and clean some more. It's funny to read how much I was cleaning since my house still feels messy, but the dishes are clean, table wiped down and legos put away, so that means something.

Caleb needed to put all the legos away and he didn't like that decision, so he threw the box at me. That earned him the right to stay in his room until all was back in order. That, and a severe talking too with punishment from mom for such disrespect.

Once I announced dinner was ready, Noah came in and saw it was not what he wanted, he started to complain. At this point, I have nothing left in me. I am way past the point of crabby. I am tired of taking care of everyone and getting no help or appreciation. I was tired, and there was no reward for my work. I was getting resistant at every turn. It ticked me off.

At this point, I am seething in my heart and all sorts of innaporpriate, mean and hateful, dark sarcastic comments are in my head. I'm too annoyed and feel to negeleted to pray. So I just sat at the kitchen table and lived in my head.

My family was playing on my husbands Iphone and I just sat there at the table being really immature. I would scare you with the things going on in my head. I was really mean up in there. I wanted someone to address me so I could lash out at them. I wanted help. I wanted attention. I wanted to yell. I wanted to be mean.

Pretty mature right?

It goes further. I didn't pray. I didn't want to. That's not what got me out of my head. Running out of mean things to say is why I stopped. I started to really watch my kids enjoying peek a boo barn. My kids are pretty entertaining, so it was fun to watch. Then I decided to mature and keep my mouth shut. Not change my attitude, just not to speak my mind which was pretty dark at the time.

After dinner, Paul left to go to work, and I cleaned up dinner. After the kitchen was clean, I got the kids ready for a bath. Lu and Caleb were in the tub. After about five minutes, Noah tells me that the water is all yellow and brown. I proceed to go into the bathroom and notice that my daughter has taken the largest dump in the tub. My kids are essentially playing in the toliet. I grab the kids and get them out, clean the tub for the next 20 minutes and finally get them washed. This was after we noticed that Lu was walking around saying. "Poooh and pee" and grabbing herself. At this point we all believed she did more buisness somewhere in the house since she wasn't wearing a diaper. The boys and I had to get on our hands and knees and feel with our hands all over the carpet looking for pee. Thankfully there wasn't any.

After Lu was in bed, clean and crazy, I read to the boys. We wanted to have family snuggle time on my bed. But my bed was covered in clean laundry that needed to be put away. I put it back in the laundry basket for the fifth time that day, (I had already taken it out four other times and put it back in for some unkown reason I am already forgetting.) So the clean laundry doesn't get put away, just put back in the basket. We read and snuggled and it was great.

We fall asleep and after 10 minutes I get up and head outside to weed my yard. After being gone for five weeks, the yard is unrecoginzable. It is my goal to weed for 20 minutes a day until I find my plants and vegetables again. The bugs attacked but I got a lot done. After an hour, you can see part of my backyard, but I am covered in bites and dirt and sweat. I would shower, but it still has poop in the tub. (I took the kids upstairs to the apartment to bathe.) Frankly, I just don't want to get up and clean some more, and my bathroom reaks.

Today exhausted me, maybe I should just go to bed. I was faught at every turn, and most of the day I didn't win. But today is over, and tomorrow will allow me to start over.

Hopefully all those mean thoughts won't follow me to bed.